A Fall From Grace
by Shinigami's Forlorn Angel
Summary: One of the pilots was dying of an illness when his friends found him. With the help of the others and Sally he recovered.. And now Heero's left. What's happening? rated for language content and some mature subject matters
1. Chapter 1

Opening Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own Gundam Wing, nor any of the characters, places, or anything else mentioned therein. If I did I would be stuck writing this fanfic because I would have T.V. Asahi producing it into episodes right now. Please do not sue me, as I am broke until I return to work, and then I will probably remain penniless. Anyways. Onto the fic.  
  
A Fall From Grace  
  
Part one:  
  
Heero gently laid his hand upon the forehead of a young man lying on the bed before him. "He has an elevated temperature of approximately One hundred and five degrees. His skin is clammy and he is starting to show symptoms of experiencing chills." He removed his hand from the forehead and looked over the young male once more, then noted grimly, " And there's a definite lack of skin pallor."  
  
Next to Heero stood a young man of similar age and build, and despite having experienced most of the traumas of war first hand, a single look into this youth's sky blue eyes would tell you otherwise. In fact, his eyes often spoke of sheer joy in every simple thing around him. To guess that he was a former Gundam pilot was simply impossible. "Hmm." was all he managed to sigh, as he sorrowfully watched the man on the bed, who bore an expression of sheer pain one his face. // He suffers even in his dreams.. What has he done to deserve this? Nothing.. Oh. I'm so sorry.. Please forgive me for not noticing sooner. // He chastised himself mentally for only a moment before a voice from the corner of the room interrupted his thoughts, it owner giving him a knowing look.  
  
"We did all we could Quatre. There's nothing else you could've done, so there's no point in blaming yourself." The taller boy claimed as he moved from his spot over to stand behind the young man, wrapping him in a comforting hug. "You mustn't blame yourself... none of us had noticed, nor could've expected this would happen." He said into the boy's wheat blonde hair. Though, despite his words of comfort aimed towards Quatre, his forest green eyes also fell upon the suffering man on the bed as he offered up his own silent apologies.  
  
Heero continued his observations. "He's lost a lot of weight as well." // What in the hell has happened to you? //  
  
" He told us that he hasn't been eating very much, too little time for meals with the work he's been doing." Trowa offered as an explanation. " Although I got the feeling it was more like 'I don't have the appetite to eat'." At this he fell silent not moving his gaze from the figure on the bed.  
  
Quatre noticed Trowa's tension but was unsure of the reason behind his koi's apprehension, so he addressed it cautiously, ".. And?"  
  
".. He passed out the other day." Trowa said with a resigned sigh. He did not want to mention this in front of his lover.  
  
"What?" Heero suddenly snapped his attention up to the slightly taller and older man, his cold cobalt blue eyes shining a fierce intensity of concern. His gaze was a considerable weapon in itself as it had instilled fear into many other people, Trowa however, didn't even so much as flinch under the look he received from Heero.  
  
" He. Passed out?" Quatre's breath caught in his throat as this new revelation fell upon him. At this point all traces of joy that may have been hidden lurking deep within his blue eyes turn to a deep sorrow and deeper concern for the well being of the youth before him. Turning in Trowa's arms to look him in the eye he asked, his voice barely audible, "When?"  
  
Trowa sighed yet again; he had wanted to keep this to himself until his love had left the room. It hurt him deeply to see such sorrow in Quatre's eyes. Despite all the horrors and atrocities the young blonde has seen and experienced during the war, he was still innocent, still pure. Something Trowa wanted desperately to protect.  
  
"When did he pass out Trowa? Answer me." Heero's words were cold and fierce like his eyes. They weren't said with the usual calculated monotone that he was used to hearing from Heero, instead a passion burned behind them. They also promised excruciating pain if he didn't meet Heero's demand and answer the question. However, Trowa hesitated. "Answer the question. Now." Heero demanded, once again driven by passion.  
  
With one final resigned sigh, Trowa started slowly," .It was when Quatre had gone out to buy food." He paused, remembering the event with intense clarity. " Him and myself had been sitting in the living room discussing what several different topics... One of which was being his state of health. Shortly before Quatre returned he went for the kitchen. He said he needed a couple of Tylenol and a glass of water, I offered to get them for him, but he refused saying it wouldn't be fair to make his guest do something he could easily do on his own." Yet another pause to let every piece of information sink in. "He collapsed in the hall. I was surprised, to say the least. After that I moved him to his bed and Quatre arrived back only about five minutes later." With another sigh he looked towards Heero, whose attention had once again turned to the source of his ever-growing concern.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Quatre asked, his eyes now shimmering with tears and worry, as well as confusion as to why his koi would've kept this a secret from him.  
  
"You were worried enough, Quatre." Trowa answered, avoiding looking him in the face. It hurt him to see those tears that were bound to be in his lover's eyes. Then again it had hurt him to keep secrets from his lover and even more to add to his worry. However, his explanation was quite true. Quatre had spent almost his every waking moment since arriving at the man's house worrying about the host.  
  
~Flash back~  
  
-Knock Knock-  
  
The young man came down the stairs to the front door taking the steps two at a time, somewhat confused and more so on edge. // Who in blazes would be at my door at eight thirty in the morning without calling first?? // As he cautiously opened the door he gasped in surprise when he saw that the rude visitor s were none other than his old friends Quatre Winner and Trowa Barton.  
  
"Quatre? Trowa? What are you two doing here?" // How in blazes did you find me? //  
  
"We've decided to pay all our old friends a visit. Right Trowa?" The blonde smiled as the older boy only nodded in silent agreement, something of a smirk on his face.  
  
// He did it. He tracked me down. Should have found a better place to hide. // "Well is that so?" The man in the door asked, allowing a small grin to form on his face. // It's always nice to have company, so long as I'm rid of you both in a week. //  
  
"Sure is." The blue-eyed boy chimed, his smile growing, if such a thing were possible.  
  
"Then come on in. I was just getting breakfast ready." The man said moving to allow his new guests in. // I was not expecting this. //  
  
~End of Flashback~  
  
"Do you know how long he's been like this?" Heero asked, not turning his attention away from the pained figure on the bed, which shifted in his anguished sleep. Not being the one to accept his emotions easily let alone reveal them, his expression was impassive, and nearly cold.  
  
"It's hard to tell. But it does appear to have been quite a while.. Possibly to the point of while he was still with us a couple months ago." Trowa answered as he tightened his embrace on the blonde in front of him a little, imagining how he would feel if it were them in this position. "How bad does it look, Heero?"  
  
"It's pretty serious.." // In fact. I think he's dying. // "Has he seen a doctor?" Heero asked. His concern only growing more at the answer he received.  
  
" I don't know.. I doubt it. He's a stubborn guy Heero. He'd fight seeing a doctor any way he can." Trowa answered. "Quatre?" he asked, looking to the boy still in his arms. "Would you mind going and calling a doctor?"  
  
"Not at all. I'd be glad to, Trowa." Replied the young Arabian, glad to be able to do something useful. "Just promise me you'll let me know if anything changes?  
  
"I promise." Answered the taller boy, his green eye not hidden by his hair knowing something that Quatre didn't. After Quatre left the room he turned to look at Heero. "You're really worried, aren't you, Heero?"  
  
Heero sighed as he turned his gaze down towards the floor, slumping his shoulders as well. "It's my fault Trowa." He said in a soft tone of voice that was almost inaudible. However Trowa heard it. "You two had a fight I'm guessing?"  
  
"Hai." Came the resigned response, in Heero's native language. And it was a well-known fact among the five ex-gundam pilots that if Heero used his native language of Japanese, he was upset about something. And his answer was one of confirmation. There was indeed a fight, a huge one. "Why wasn't I called sooner?" he asked, this time a hint of sorrow also apparent in his voice.  
  
Trowa noted the quick attempt to change the subject, something to be expected from any of the others but not usually Heero. However, not wanting to push things, he decided to accept the change of topic, as the indirect subject was more important anyways. "We got a hold of you as soon as we could." He offered. "You aren't the easiest guy to track down, Heero." With this he gently sat down on the edge of the bed, facing Heero, who remained slumped in the chair next to the night table. He placed a hand gently on Heero's shoulder and causing the boy to tense up. "Listen, Heero, There was nothing you, any of us could do about this. Okay? All that matters now is that we're here and we help him."  
  
Heero relaxed and looked once more at the person on the bed as he muttered under his breath. "Ninmu ryokai." The figure shifted again. Heero then looked at Trowa with a look of determine now shining in his eyes with concern. However there was also a glint of something else - fear? ". Does?" He started to ask quietly.  
  
"No." Came Trowa's answer. "He doesn't know yet. Now how about I go and get us some coffee from the kitchen and I'll see when the doctor will be here and if Quatre can get a hold of him. Okay?" Trowa rose and waited to see if Heero wanted to discuss anything else. Heero just nodded a bit with a comment on how that'd be nice, so Trowa left.  
  
As soon as Trowa closed the door Heero reached out tentatively and gently grabbed the young man's hand. The man shifted once more and Heero's thoughts went reeling through his head, a hundred miles a minute as the expression of agony on the face of the boy on the bed intensified briefly. // Oh gods. What's wrong with you? How could this have happened? How could you let this happen? No. It's not your fault. It's mine. How could I let this happen? It's my entire fault. I'm sorry I drove you away. I'm so sorry. You were right; I am a stubborn, stuck up prick. I should've listened to you. Oh, Duo, I'm so sorry. Can you possibly forgive me? //  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~*~*  
  
Okay folks, I would like to take this moment to let you know that this is my first fic EVER, and would appreciate your reviews, good, bad, or otherwise. Now I am off to work on Chapter 2 and consult my only beta willing enough to help me here. Please feel free to leave any suggestions as to what you think should happen later. Until later. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

Quatre hung up the phone silently, a look of concern written across his face. He turned to see Trowa coming out of Duo's room, headed towards the kitchen and joined him. "Hey Trowa." He said rather solemnly. "What are you doing?" he asked walking alongside his koibito.

"Getting some coffee. What's wrong?" Trowa asked. He could tell from the tone of Quatre's voice that something was really bothering him. He stopped at the cupboard and grabbed out three mugs, somehow he got the feeling Quatre was going to want some tea before the hour was out. He set out to filling the mugs with their respective liquids awaiting Quatre's answer.

"The doctor's not coming." Quatre turned and looked back at Duo's bedroom door. 'Poor Heero. This is already eating him alive. Despite how much he doesn't think we know, I can tell, and I think Trowa does too. And Duo. What's wrong with you? You look like you're dying.' The realization struck Quatre like a ton of bricks.'That's it! You and Hee-chan had a fight and you ran away.. You intended on dying didn't you? Oh gods... Why didn't see it earlier? But what did you guys fight over? What could've caused you to do something like this? What did Heero say to you?' " Heero and Duo had a fight... Didn't they Trowa?"

Trowa nearly dropped the coffee pot. 'The doctor isn't coming? Why not? What's so..? Did Quatre just figure out that Heero and Duo had a fight?' "Yeah." He quickly regained composure and continued pouring the coffee into his mug. 'You never cease to amaze me Quatre. Now I see why everyone respects you so much.'

"Hmm." Quatre sighed. 'I thought so.' "Trowa?"

"Yeah?"

"Duo's dying."

This time he did drop the coffee pot. "Wh-what?" He turned to face the blonde's rather serious expression. Surprise evident on his face "Quatre... You can't be serious. Duo? It's not. I mean. Why would you say that?" 'Duo can't die. It just isn't possible.' Noting the sadness contained in his koibito's eyes he realized just how serious the shorter boy was. He turned and picked up the coffee pot, placing it on the counter as he grabbed a cloth from the nearby rack and started cleaning up the spilt liquid. In a hushed tone he asked, "What would make you think that?"

"Call it a hunch. But if that fight was as serious as I think it was. Duo may have known he was sick all along and intended to die. We just showed up in time to catch it is all." The Arabian explained knowing more about Duo's past than any of the other former pilots. The explanation earned a slight nod of understanding from the stoic boy in front of him "Listen, Trowa, I've already contacted Wu Fei. He said he'd be here in two days. And he said he'd try to get a hold of Sally for us. Okay?"

"Alright." Was all the response Quatre got before Trowa turned around and handed him a mug full of chamomile tea. It was just amazing how his lover always knew what he needed when he needed it. Trowa grabbed the other two mugs and started walking towards Duo's room. "Call Wu Fei back."

"Why?"

"I think he deserves to know what you think may be going on."

"Right."

"And he'd call it an injustice if we didn't let him know what your theory is before he got here."

Quatre chuckled. Indeed his lover's knowledge was amazing. "Yeah, you're right. I'll call him right away." He said as Trowa entered the room, shutting the door with his foot. He needed something to lighten up the mood a bit, and that was it. He went into the living room and sat on the sofa, setting his tea on the coffee table there. He also needed some time to think. Duo. What did you and Heero fight about?

Flash back -

Heero was sitting at his desk typing on his laptop once again as Duo lay on the bed behind him, bored out of his mind and babbling on about nothing in particular.

"Hey, Heero?"

"Hn?"

"Do you do anything besides sit there and type? Y'know, like anything for fun? Like rollerblading, or going out to dance clubs? Cuz if not then you have one boring life, no offence or anything. It's just that, well, surely you must notice how boring this is. I mean not even Trowa could handle just sitting at a desk in front of a computer typing all day."

"Duo.."

"Ah-ha! He does speak! I knew it!" Duo sat up, a grin on his face.

"Be quiet." Heero side glanced back at the boy behind him on the bed, and then looked back to the document he was typing up.

"Huh? Now why would I want to do that? Jeez. You must be losing your marbles to think that I'm just gonna sit here and watch you type on that computer all day. Hey, You ever play marbles, Heero? No. Of course not. God forbid you would ever do anything fun... You're always so anal-retentive. I bet you don't know the first thing about-"

"Duo. Do you ever shut up?" Heero sighed as he continued to type, interrupting his companion..

"Nope! Don'tcha know? A person can never talk too much. There is no subject too inane to discuss, nor can any remark be too silly." Duo chimed, his grin growing a bit.

"Hmm? Uh-oh. Here we go again." His grin faded "The silent treatment. You know I can wait this out just as long as you can. And since you won't interrupt me, I'm just gonna keep on talking. Now what to talk about? I know! I saw this most wicked show last night. I think it was called Yu-Gi-Oh! Well, anyways it was wicked cool. It's bout these people who play this trading card game called Duel monsters. And there was this one character, Kaiba, he was a real jerk. Actually... he reminded me of you."

"Maxwell, shut up." Heero commanded, in that ice cold, monotone voice of his.

"Yeah. Definitely like you. In fact... he kinda looked like you too. Heh. Think the creators had you in mind when they came up with him?" Duo continued, feeling spiteful.

"Shut up now." Heero commanded again, this time a little more agitated

"Or what?" Duo asked, his voice now starting to take on an annoyed hint as well.

"Omae o korosu." Heero said flatly.

"Jeez. You don't need to be so up tight all the time. It's just a cartoon. Then again. What would you know about fun stuff like that? You're always such a cold, uncaring bastard."

"And you're a loudmouth idiot. We're even." Heero turned to look at him, his gaze cold and stone-like. " Now this is the last time I will say it. Shut up."

"Make me!" Came the petulant reply.

"Gladly." Was all that Heero said as he rose from his chair and walked over to where Duo was sitting and punched him hard in the jaw.

Duo gingerly touched his already bruising face and looked up at Heero, fear and betrayal glistening in his eyes for a moment before turning to something else.

Duo stood up, angry, and returned the punch with one of his own, that Heero easily ducked, dropping into a crouch and sweeping his leg around catching the back of Duo's causing him to fall and land on his back. Quickly recovering from the shock Duo turned and swept his own leg causing Heero to lose balance and fall. "I'm glad to be who and what I am! Can you say the same?"

"What do you mean by that?" Heero asked, his steely blue eyes carefully watching the upset youth before him as he slowly got up ready to counter any attack launched by the braided teen.

"You're a cold, heartless, emotionless, stuck-up asshole. That's what I mean." Heero glared and winced inwardly as Duo continued. "And now that I look at you, I can see what my biggest mistake in life was." Duo said as he stood, panting slightly.

"And what would that be?" Heero asked, keeping his cool façade.

"Giving a damn about you!" With that he stormed out of the room, down the stairs, and out the front door, slamming it behind him. Heero blinked. 'Was he... crying?' He thought dazedly as he thought he saw the glimmer of a tear in the corners of Duo's eyes. A minute later He heard Duo's motorcycle roar to life and speed off.

End Flashback -

Wu Fei arrived a few days later with Sally in tow. "Where's Maxwell?" he demanded, concern and anger filling his voice. Trowa silently nodded his head in the direction of Duo's closed door. "Heero's in there too. Listen, Wu Fei, don't get too angry yet. Heero's taking this pretty hard. Perhaps it'd be best if you left him alone for a while."

"Fine." The Chinese boy muttered as he walked over to the door, opened it, and entered the room, followed closely by Sally.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey folks, Forlorn Angel here. First of all I'd like to thank the people who bothered to read and review my story 'A Fall From Grace'. So thanks and treats to Blue Eyed Angel2, BlueMoonDuchess, Karen, and Weissangel24. Cookies, a g-boy plushie set, and my eternal appreciation go to Nelia for her review as it is serving as something of an inspiration to this chapter. I also give all you Duo fans my sincerest apologies for my blatant cruelty. I also take this time to say that I am a Duo Maxwell fan, so he most likely will pull through this.  
  
Also since today is my first day back to school updates may occur less than often as I don't usually get home until 6:00 pm at which time I converse with my beta, Pegasus. Anyways... On to chapter 3...  
  
Chapter 3:  
  
Wu Fei's eyes immediately fell on Duo as he entered the room.  
  
"Oh my God. Maxwell! What in Nataku has happened to you?" Wu Fei asked as he dashed to the bed to get a better look at his companion. After receiving no answer and surveying what he could of the braided youth he turned to Heero, who hadn't left the American's side since arrival.  
  
"By god. Yuy, how long has he been like this?" The concern was evident in Wu Fei's voice and on his face.  
  
Heero sighed and looked at Duo's agonized expression before looking at the Cinese youth and answering in a hushed tone. "We don't know, Wu Fei. He's been bed ridden far approximately one week now, but, as to his being ill.." He looked down on the American once more. ".Trowa thinks he could've been ill for well over a month now."  
  
Wu fei also turned his gaze back to the former Deathscythe pilot just as Sally Po entered the room.  
  
She gasped in shock as she approached the bed and saw the expression of torment on Duo's face as he continued to thrash about in his sleep. Almost immediately her expression hardened as she looked to Heero. "What his condition, Heero?", she asked, now in full out Doctorial mode.  
  
He glanced up at her momentarily before looking back at Duo, who still tossed and turned in his tormented slumber. He sighed once, then answered. "Bad. And getting worse." He then continued to explain the observations that he had made upon his arrival. ". And according to Quatre and Trowa, he's been having headaches as well as a loss of appetite." he finished.  
  
"Hm." Both Sally and Wu Fei sighed in complete unison.  
  
Sally looked thoughtful for a moment before she called Trowa and Quatre into the room. Summoning up all her medical knowledge she proceeded to give them, and Wu Fei different tasks to carry out, assisting her. She left Heero out because he would most likely be most helpful where he was, and also because she had noticed the hints of guilt in Heero's eyes and voice. Hints that Wu Fei had noticed as well.  
  
A/N: Okay this is the proper chapter3. My computer had replaced the files on me when I uploaded the first time, but now everything should be okay. Thanks to Weissangel21 for bringing the problem to my attention. *hands Weissangel21 a Duo & Heero plushie set* Now then, read, review, and send suggestions as to what you think should happen because my Beta and I are suffering writer's block and my computer's antics aren't helping. 


	4. Chapter 4

Forlorn Angel here. Now before we move on to the chapter, I need to have a serious discussion with you all. Why is nobody reading Insomnia? I would like to know what you guys at least hate about it so I can change that, ya know? Slight warnings. Lack of attention being paid to that fic results in my being punished by my beta/muse Pegasus. And we don't want that, do we? Now then thanks to all those who reviewed after I put the fic on Hiatus.. *mentioned in the previous 'chapter'* Especially NeptuneHelena, your reviews mad me feel so much better.. Now then, On to the fic! Chapter 4:  
  
The recovery process was long and slow. And during the whole time, Heero never once left Duo's side.  
  
"He looks terrible." Quatre commented quietly from just outside the doorway of Duo's bedroom to Trowa, who was sitting on the floor in the living room, playing a game of chess with Wu Fei. "He's barely moved or even slept!" He turned to look at Trowa. "I'm worried."  
  
"Don't be." Came Trowa's calm response, as he made his move on the chessboard. Relax Quatre. He'll be fine once Duo wakes up and they have a chance to talk things out."  
  
"But. He's in so much pain. Maybe not physically. But emotionally. I can feel it Trowa." Quatre looked through the open door towards Heero once again.  
  
"It's because he did this to Maxwell." Wu Fei stated coldly as he examined the board in front of him.  
  
"Huh?" Quatre and Trowa said in unison as they looked at Wu Fei.  
  
Wu Fei continued to examine the board as he explained. " Maxwell's had a very unstable childhood. And because of that his emotions tend to be felt on an extreme level."  
  
" What are you talking about Wu Fei?" The blond asked from the door, a look of confusion on his face. "Duo's the cheeriest guy I know. He wouldn't let anything bother him that badly."  
  
"That's what he wants us to believe. Haven't you ever noticed how that stupid grin of his is never reflected in his eyes? The truth is. Maxwell is hiding behind a mask of cheerfulness." He continued to examine the chessboard.  
  
"You aren't making any sense Wu Fei..." Trowa commented, just as confused as his koi.  
  
" Maxwell just acts cheerful when he's around others... Especially us." Wu Fei said, looking up at his fellow ex-pilots. "I'm guessing he figures we've enough problems without him adding his emotional strife, despite what he told me, so he keeps his feelings hidden behind that jester's mask."  
  
"Okay. But that doesn't explain how this is Heero's fault." Trowa stated.  
  
"That's where things get a little more difficult. Some of the blame falls on Maxwell for keeping his problems from us, however depending on what Yuy said, or did during their argument and how upset it made Maxwell may vary how much of it is Yuy's fault. And I'm assuming that it must have been somewhat upsetting considering he came here. And from that point until you two arrived he was alone so he no longer had to mask his emotions for anyone, hence he didn't. I'm betting he went through a massive depression. And during that depression he caught the illness that put him where he is. And since He hates doctors so much, he neglected to visit one."  
  
" I see.* Sighed Quatre as he glanced into the room at Heero and Duo before walking over to sit beside Trowa. " Now I just have one more question. How would you know whether or not Duo's had an unstable childhood?"  
  
"I confronted him about why he always hide his emotions behind that infernal mask, after I caught him alone once. He didn't realize it until later. But, I saw his pain. He had no choice but to explain, since he never lies." Wu Fei glanced down at the chessboard and realized a move he hadn't noticed before. Without looking up he grabbed his pawn and moved it. "Check mate." Then he stood up and went into the kitchen to get some coffee, leaving Quatre and Trowa to stare dumbfounded at where he had been sitting moments ago.  
  
~Flash back~  
  
Wu Fei stormed into the hangar, an angry scowl on his face. "Maxwell! We need to talk!" He yelled as he looked around him. The Hangar was empty except for his Gundam, the Shenlong, and the Deathscythe. // Maxwell has to be in here.// Wu Fei had spent the better portion of his morning searching the safe house for the braided American, with no success. And since it was only him and the American in the house the task should've been simple. //Seriously, how long should it take to find that braided, loud-mouthed American in a house by himself? Not this long. // Too bad said American was a stealth expert, and was actually being quiet. Which only convinced Wu Fei that Duo was purposely avoiding him.  
  
Duo flinched at the tone of the Chinese youth's voice. /Aw man.. Wonder what he wants to yell at me about this time? Probably another justice rant about why I shouldn't paint his gundam pink or something.. Hmm. Paint the Shenlong pink.. Sounds fun.. I should try--//  
  
"Maxwell!! I know you're in here!" Wu Fei cut off Duo's thoughts with his rather loud yells causing him to flinch again. He didn't like that tone of voice.  
  
"Sheesh! Down the decibels! I do want to keep my hearing for a while longer ya know!" He answered, as he poked his head out of the Deathscythe's cockpit.  
  
"Maxwell! Get down here this instant!" Wu Fei yelled as he stalked towards the towering black Gundam.  
  
"I'll be down as soon as I'm done this systems check!" Duo withdrew into the cockpit while Wu Fei leaned against the gundam's huge foot, folding his arms over his chest. There was no way he was going to let Maxwell escape giving him an explanation Wu Fei waited for another half hour before Duo finally emerged from the cockpit. As the American grabbed the booster cable and descended, the Asian youth turned to watch him. "Finally."  
  
"Nice greeting." The braided boy snorted. "So, Wufferz.. What did you wanna talk about?" He asked as he punched in the code to close up the huge mecha, turning to his comrade.  
  
Wu Fei watched the boy in front of him warily. "Don't call me that." He growled as he examined the American. // He's damned good. This façade of his is damn near perfect.// he noted to himself as Duo grinned at his ability to so thoroughly annoy the Chinese warrior with a simple pet name.  
  
"Alrighty then. How about Wuffie? Or Wufflez? Oh I got it! WU-WU!" He countered brightly, his grin growing as Wu Fei's face went beet red.  
  
" My name is Wu Fei. Not Wufferz, Wuffie, Wufflez, or Wu-Wu.. And so I would appreciate it if you would call me by my name, Maxwell." The Chinese youth said after taking a deep breath, trying to calm down. " And I need to talk to you about last night."  
  
"L-last night? What about last night?" Duo faltered momentarily.  
  
"You've been hiding your feelings from us.. Covering everything up with that jester's mask of yours. And don't you dare even try to deny it.." He warned, his voice taking on a feral tone. " I saw your little 'ritual'."  
  
Duo's eyes went wide with horror. "Y-you. saw?" His voice quivered a little as he tried to imagine the look on Wu Fei's face the previous night.  
  
Wu Fei just nodded. "What you've been doing is an injustice not only to us, your fellow pilots and comrades at arms, but to yourself."  
  
Duo just stood there looking shell-shocked momentarily. "You won't tell anyone, will you?" He finally ventured, his voice sounding small.  
  
Wu Fei sighed, noting the sudden change in Duo's demeanor. "On one condition."  
  
"And what's that?" The American asked, his voice still sounding small and weak.  
  
"That you'll promise to be more open with me at least and you'll explain what that 'ritual' was all about."  
  
"Okay." Duo gulped and nodded slowly, then took a deep breath before he began to explain to his comrade.. 


	5. Chapter 5 : Frozen

Chapter 5: Frozen 

First of all.. Response to reviews.

Nelia: I know.. And I feel really bad about keeping you waiting but I was still suffering some after shocks of the dreaded illness that is Writer's Block.. I've also had a lot of schoolwork. Plus my most trusted muse Pegasus suffered a nervous breakdown due to reasons I am not permitted to explain here. However.. Everything is all cool now and we are all back to happiness.

Sarano: I'm so glad that you like my story.. And well.. Here's what happens next. Actually I had this basically written since before I even posted Chapter 2, which was (by my standards anyways) Ions ago. And I just needed a nice way to tie it all in..

Kaori-chan: S'okay.. I'm told I can be cryptic at times.. And your encouragement to write more is very much appreciated. Thankies!

Dark cloud: Delusional am I? Then how come it appears to me that my goal was reached, thanks to a certain reviewer to be mentioned soon, and even surpassed before you reviewed? I think YOU my friend are the delusional one here, not me. Also, I don't really appreciate flames based merely on what I put in my Author's notes.. If you plan to do a job, do it right and flame me based on my story.. Flame me for insomnia.. Flame me for Missing You. But don't flame me for my author's notes.. It just makes you look kind of dumb when you say my goal won't be reached after it was surpassed.. Oh, and thank you for posting review # 30.

WolfGirl333: I'm glad you really liked that chap.. It took me an eternity and a half. And updates will as of now probably take a fairly long time because I now have school, work, friends, family, a boyfriend, as well as my muses and betas to take care of. But I will strive to update continuously.

And finally. . .

The Anonymous one: Thank you sooo very much.. It makes me so happy to know that people want me to continue so badly.. Reading all 10 of your reviews really brightened up my day and I am very much tempted to send them to my muse.. Also for your efforts I am now dedicating this chapter to not only BlueEyedAngel2, but you as well now. Arigatou!

New stuff:

Twinlakeshgrl added me to her favorite Authors list!

Cautions: Okay, I was listening to Madonna's song Frozen when I came up with this, so it's in songfic format.

Warnings: Attempted Suicide, really angsty, and of course.. Madonna's lyrics..(Apologies to all Madonna fans but I just can't stand her.) And that's pretty much it. . Enjoy!

Heero walked into Duo's room and closed the door behind him. It had been two weeks since Duo's recovery from his illness, but the others still insisted that Duo be checked upon once in a while. However what Heero saw was definitely not what he was expecting. The room was empty, and the window was open.

"What the.?" He hurried over to the window, and leaned out to see if he could locate the missing American. But there were no traces of the braided boy, not even a footprint in the dirt below the window. "." As Heero, moved away from the window he saw the light from the window reflect off of something on the nightstand beside the bed.

"Hm?" As he walked over to the nightstand, it became apparent that the object was a CD, but it was labeled to Heero, in Duo's rather simple yet elegant manuscript. " It's from Duo." He picked it up and took it to his room, examining it as he walked.

"There's nothing really individual about it except that it's addressed to me, and nothing else." He entered his room and sat down at his desk and opened his laptop. He placed the disc in the tray of the drive and started to play it. A slow, rhythmic music started to play enticingly. Heero opened up one of the programs on his computer and started a search on where Duo could be. At that moment, Duo's voice showed up on the CD, singing.

/ You only see what your eyes want to see. / How can life be what you want it to be/ You're frozen when your heart's not open. / Heero stopped what he was doing immediately and looked at the drive the CD was in. "What?" Suddenly the memories started flooding his mind.

/ You're so consumed with how much you get / You waste your time with hate and regret / You're broken when your hearts not open /

Heero walked through the ruins of the apartment building in a daze. He had unintentionally destroyed the building the previous night when he had destroyed an enemy base. The force of the explosion had caused an enemy mobile suit to fall on top of the building, destroying it and killing everyone inside. And now, he wandered through the devastated area.

Suddenly Heero stopped and looked down as he encountered the corpse of a puppy. Slowly he knelt down and picked up the puppy's body and began to walk away. The puppy had belonged to the little girl who gave him the flower yesterday afternoon, which meant he had killed an innocent child. To be more precise he had killed innocence itself. Not only that of the little girl, but whatever shreds of innocence he had in himself as well.

He would never forget that day. Ever.

/ Mmm-mm-mmm. If I could melt your heart / Mmm-mm-mmm... We'd never be apart / Mmm-mm-mmm... Give yourself to me / Mmm-mm-mmm... You are the key /

Duo sped up a bit as he neared the city limits, he needed to get away from the other former pilots. Especially Heero. His mind racing, Duo kept going with no set destination. Duo looked around noting that he was the only person on the road.

/ Maybe this time they won't find me. I hope they don't. I hope HE doesn't./

Duo slowed his motorcycle down as he finally looked at his speedometer and realized that going as fast as he was, he could seriously injure someone else that may happen to be on the road later on.

/ Heero's such an asshole. He doesn't understand. I may act like everything's okay . but sometimes. No! I don't need him! He's a cold, selfish, uncaring prick. /

Duo picked up speed again and rode down the highway and out of the city.

/ Now there's no point in placing the blame / And you should know I suffer the same / If I lose you my heart will be broken / Love is a bird, she needs to fly / Let all the hurt inside of you die / You're frozen, when your heart's not open /

Heero awoke the night feeling like something was wrong, though he couldn't quite place it. But, when he looked across the room, at the braided boy in the other bed, he figured out what it was.

The younger boy was thrashing about in his sleep. The boy was also breathing heavily, and an anguished moan would escape his lips every so often. He was trapped in a nightmare. And from what Heero could see. It was a particularly bad one. So he ever so slowly climbed out from under his covers and padded over to the other boy's bed and gently placed his hands on the boy's shoulders to shake him awake.

Suddenly the braided boy screamed and bolted upright, awakening himself. Heero, obviously shaken by this, backed up a few steps. Slowly the Deathscythe pilot began to realize where he was, in his and Heero's room, not wherever that horrible dream had taken him. However, what he didn't realize was that Heero was awake, and watching him nervously. Duo pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them as he lowered his head. A few moments' later soft sobs were heard coming from the boy as he started to cry.

The sobs, no matter how quiet they were, did not escape Heero's ears. So he slowly made his way back to his fellow pilot's side and gently laid his hand on the boys back, causing the violet-eyed youth to look up at him in surprise. The tears running down his face did nothing to alleviate the sense of concern, which was now growing in the pit of Heero's stomach. The boy moved and allowed Heero room to sit on the bed.

As soon as Heero sat down he instinctively wrapped his arms around the American pilot and noticed that he was shaking. / That nightmare must have been extremely horrible to scare him this badly./ Heero didn't expect what happened next, the younger pilot, turned and leaned into the embrace, burying his face into Heero's shirt, still weeping. Unsure of what to do, Heero just continued to hold the boy and calmly ran his hand over the boy's soft, sweat dampened hair.

/ Mmm-mm-mmm. If I could melt your heart / Mmm-mm-mmm... We'd never be apart / Mmm-mm-mmm... Give yourself to me / Mmm-mm-mmm... You are the key /

Duo slowed his motorcycle to a stop as he looked out towards the horizon. He got of and took a deep breath. As always, he had ended up at the ocean. No matter where he was, nor what the problem that caused him to leave was, he somehow always ended up at the ocean. He figured it was the waters calm, tranquil attraction as well as its wild, mysterious depths.

Leaving his bike parked where it was, he slowly walked down the sand to the water's edge at looked out at the water.

/ You only see what your eyes want to see. / How can life be what you want it to be/ You're frozen when your heart's not open. /

Heero glared at the com on his right as it started to spark at him. / K'so! The intercom/ Quickly he turned his gundam and fired on the Space Leos that had attacked him from behind, frying his com link with the other pilots. After the explosions cleared a quick scan of the screens in front of him showed that more mobile dolls were approaching fast and that his fellow pilots were just as outnumbered as he was.

He glared at the sparking intercom once more. / With the com out of commission I can't the order to retreat. / he fired on the approaching mobile dolls, watching grimly as they exploded just to be replaced by more. Suddenly he heard Duo scream as something behind him exploded. He turned his gundam to see that the explosion had been the Deathscythe, which had taken a hit for him and the Wing Zero.

He had barely managed to scream out Duo's name, unheard by the other pilots due to one sparking intercom, when Trowa's face appeared on the screen to his right. There was no audio, except maybe a bunch of static, but thankfully Heero could read lips. Trowa suggested that they retreat, followed by quick agreements from Quatre and Wu Fei.

Heero opened a path for the Shenlong pilot to grab the remains of the Deathscythe, which basically consisted of one cockpit in pretty bad condition, but still intact, before covering their escape to Earth.

Duo had nearly died that night, but luckily they had covered most of his wounds before rushing him to the hospital. The recovery process was long and slow due to the extent of the injuries but the pilots took turns watching over him and monitoring his recovery. Heero stayed with Duo the most because he was concerned for Duo, not just as another soldier, but also as something more, a friend, who had saved his life.

/ Mmm-mm-mmm. If I could melt your heart / Mmm-mm-mmm... We'd never be apart / Mmm-mm-mmm... Give yourself to me / Mmm-mm-mmm... You are the key /

Duo walked along the water's edge towards the rocky outcrop in the distance. The cool night air nipped at the back of his neck where his braid left it exposed, causing him to shiver slightly. The sky was an inky black, speckles with tiny, dots of red, white, and a pale yellow, as well as the bone white moon.

The dark water reflected the light of the pale moon, sending shimmering rays along the expanse of the beach. Much as his mood reflected his emotions, the bright rays stabbing at his darkened expression. He was nothing but a dark shadow against the bright reflection.

As he neared the outcropping, he noticed another figure further ahead of him. But the poor light, as well as the distance between him and the other person made the individual impossible to identify. Not that identifying the person was really important to Duo, so long as he had some time to himself.

Amongst the rocks was a tall, black, basalt pillar. As he walked around the looming rock he noticed a set of footholds along its eastern side. Deciding that he would most likely be left alone up here he approached the pillar's side and tested out the first few footholds, finding them secure.

After the rather easy climb, Duo looked out over the water and noted some movement in the distance. As he watched, he realized that it was dolphins in the distance, leaping out of the water, free of worry.

"They've no inhibitions. They can just go wherever they please, when they please." He muttered to himself as he watched them fade past the horizon. He looked around once more. Noting the person in the distance hadn't moved from their spot, Duo turned his back to the water and quickly examined the cliffs that had been behind him moments ago. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he slowly raised his arms, and closed his eyes.

/ Mmm-mm-mmm. If I could melt your heart / Mmm-mm-mmm... We'd never be apart / Mmm-mm-mmm... Give yourself to me / Mmm-mm-mmm... You are the key / As Wu Fei walked down the beach he spied a figure at the top of the black tower. The shadowy person looked strangely familiar. He puzzled over who the character could be as he edged closer. The wind was dead. Lucky for Duo, the dragon would have instantly recognized him had his braid been flying instead of resting lightly on his shoulder. Forever cautious as his many years of training had made him Wu Fei took slow measured steps. As his feet grazed the sand Wu Fei observed the figure beginning to sway forward.

Beginning to panic Wu Fei ran forward to attempt to reach the water before the falling shadow. The boy tumbled faster than the dragon could run and broke the black surface of the water long before Wu Fei could stop him. As Wu Fei plunged into the tide he watched the adolescent fall deep into the depths of the Peruvian blue ocean. As the solider swam closer stride after strong stride the ripples from the sea's captive ceased. All movement on the planet seemed to cease except for the endless pumping of Wu Fei's arms.

Reaching the man at last Wu Fei dove deep till his fist clenched around skin. Lifting the head above water level he heard the person gasp for air. As he felt down the strangers back for bumps and bruises his hand tightened around a long spiral object attached to the kids head. "A braid?" he muttered to the quickly approaching night. "... Yes a braid and I would appreciate it if you kept your hands off it thank you!" The arrogant 19 year old sniped. The boy was coming around obviously. "I'm sorry it just reminded me of someone I used to know... someone I haven't seen in quite some time... someone I'm a little worried about." He admitted. A look of confusion passed over Duo's face. Who could he remind his mysterious savior of?

A sudden look of recognition passed over the braided pilot's face as he realized exactly who was holding him. "...FEI!" he screamed in question. Wu Fei's realization that the "stranger" had been Duo all along threw him for a bit of a loop. "D-DUO!" he exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing here!"

"So let me get this strait... you stood at the top of that damned tower waiting for high tide when you spotted some porpoises?... Then plunged into the sea. Is that correct?" Wu Fei asked sarcastically. After realizing it was Duo Wu Fei had immediately taken him to a nearby safe house where he would be safe, warm, and dry. Tightening his grip on the bed sheets Duo nodded stiffly. "And why pray tell were you waiting for high tide?" Wu Fei interrogated. To avoid answering Duo looked towards the window. It just sounded so damn stupid now. Of course it would! Everything always sounds way different on the playback... he should have known that by now. "Look if you won't tell me then at least do me a favor and stay put all right? I'm going to go make a phone call to Heero and Quatre and tell them your ok because I think it's safe to assume they don't know your here. Correct?" Another stiff nod from the god of death was all Wu Fei needed. He got to his feet and exited the room. Leaving Duo all alone with his thoughts.

/ If I could melt your heart. /

Duo heard the door of his room open and he listened to Heero's footsteps invading the territory, and prepared himself for one of Heero's patented lectures. Heero circled the room impatiently looking nervous. "Duo... are you... ok?" Duo prepared to defend himself against an onslaught of accusations then allowed Heero's question to sink in. "No...I don't think I am Heero." He watched curiously as Heero stiffened.

A/N: See guys? Told you it'd be pretty fast.. It just took forever to get the ending to this chap because my muse/beta, Pegasus, who was in charge of this chap was having some complications. Now then.. Lets see if we can make that review counter reach 40. It's at 31 now.. So that's only 9 reviews.. Okay?

Ja né.


	6. Chapter 6

Heya folks. I'm sorry to say that this chapter happened a hell of a lot later than I had anticipated.  
  
Chapter 6:  
  
Duo heard the door of his room open and he listened to Heero's footsteps invading the territory, and prepared himself for one of Heero's patented lectures. Heero circled the room impatiently looking nervous. "Duo... are you... ok?" Duo prepared to defend himself against an onslaught of accusations then allowed Heero's question to sink in. "No....I don't think I am Heero." He watched curiously as Heero stiffened.  
  
"Why's that?" he replied simply. Duo watched Heero's face and saw the first emotion he had seen on him in a very long time reflected in Heero's eyes. "Because.... the one person I care 'bout hates me," the usually vivacious teen replied forlornly.  
  
"Nani?" The chocolate haired youth blurted, shocked at his partner's response. "Who hates you?" He asked, moving to sit on the bed beside the violet-eyed boy, an upset frown becoming apparent on his face.  
  
"You." Came the simple answer.  
  
Heero looked at the American in surprise "I don't hate you." The Asian returned. "Why would I?"  
  
" 'Cuz I'm loud, annoying, and in your terms an idiot. I do know Japanese, Heero. I learned when I was living on the street. Enuka [1] taught me." The chestnut haired boy answered, his voice containing none of its usual mirth and laughter.  
  
Prussian blue eyes widened in realization and despair. "Oh Duo..."  
  
Tears began to form in the corners of amethystine eyes as they lowered to stare at hands balled into fists, clenching the bedspread in an iron grip.  
  
"Duo." Heero began his voice sounding tight and strained. " I never hated you. Sure I got annoyed with you sometimes, but that's because I didn't understand you. I didn't understand why somebody as lively and vibrant as you are would declare himself Shinigami. I couldn't see how you could go through all those battles, as well as whatever those OZ bastards did to you when they had you captured, and always come out grinning like a damned Cheshire cat. And to be honest, that lack of understanding also frightened me. But I didn't hate you."  
  
The braided youth choked back a sob. "...Really?" He asked; his voice speaking volumes about unshed tears and doubt.  
  
"Really..." Heero reassured, reaching over to place a finger under Duo's chin, gently raising the boy's head forcing eyes to meet. On a sudden impulse Heero extended his arms sweeping Duo into a hug. Placing his head slowly on Heero's chest listening to the steady rhythm of Heero's beating heart he let his thoughts take voice and express his pain and sorrow.  
  
Heero listened intently never interrupting, as his guilt started to take root deep within the pit of his stomach. How could he have lead Duo to believe he hated him? He of course had not realized but that was no excuse. He had made an error of incalculable proportions. That had almost cost him the most precious thing he had! "Duo I... I'm sorry. I have been..." "An ass?" Duo supplied. Heero pondered that for a moment before nodding. "Yes for lack of a better word... An ass. And for that I am so very sorry. Could you ever forgive me?" Duo gently closed his eyes thinking about how to answer with out breaking Heero's heart... how to answer with out losing the only goddamned anchor he had left. "Heero... you would like me to answer truthfully?" He questioned to Heero's adamant nod. "Well in that case Heero... I don't know... I really, really don't."  
  
Heero nodded his understanding as a look of sorrow flashed behind his eyes. " It's okay. I don't expect you to. I shouldn't even deserve your forgiveness-." Duo interrupted him. "Heero... don't. Don't say that. Please... Please don't. I..." Heero looked down at his shaking partner wondering how someone so eloquent could possibly be struggling with words. He silently urged him onwards. "I... love you Heero. Body mind and soul. I think about you every morning when I wake up and every night before I sleep. I knew before I knew your name I loved you I... just didn't know how to express it and... I couldn't during the war there was just... too much else! But damn it Heero don't you dare sit there and tell me that you don't damn well deserve my forgiveness! I want to forgive you... more than anything I do... And I will... just not right--." Heero cut him off before he could finish the thought. " I understand." With that he let go of the American and left, closing the door behind him. Leaving the violet-eyed youth sitting on the bed confused and heart-broken.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Wu Fei entered the kitchen as Heero was grabbing his jacket. And helmet. "Yuy?" Heero at first ignored Wu Fei for the confusion running through his mind that Duo had just voiced every thing he had been thinking for the last 3 years. and especially the past month and a half. Finally turning to face the Chinese pilot of 19 he answered with a simple, "Chang." "Where are you going?" "Away. Duo... doesn't need me... anymore."  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Now then... To my reviewers...  
  
Twinlakeshgrl: I'm glad to hear that you like my story so much you put it in your fave stories list and me on your author alerts as well. It makes me feel so much better after the totally hectic day I had today. Thank you so much for your support. And don't worry.. I don't plan to be writing any scenes like that any time in the near future. I promise. The URL is uation happened here at my household so once again your review has become a bonus for me. ^.^ Where would I be without you? Don't answer that. I really don't wanna know. I'm glad it's getting more intriguing here but once again, I cannot lie (swore on all that is Duo I wouldn't), so that ending has to be partially attributed to my beta/muse Pegasus. And I apologize for the delay on this chapter but I set a goal and it had to be reached first.  
  
Y401-F4N: I know. I honestly didn't know what the ritual was myself until my new worker and I figured it out together. Like I said earlier, creatively challenged, that's me. Oh, I hope to maybe get the next chapter out really soon but I ain't making any promises I don't know I can keep, alright?  
  
Kurafoxgirl: Hey! Welcome to the whine at Forlorn Angel to update club. Members; you and everybody else including Forlorn Angel.  
  
Angel of Reincarnation: Mission Accepted.  
  
Blue Eyed Angel2: I'm so glad that you have such confidence in me. Arigatou 


	7. Chapter 7

To my reviewers - err... umm... Reviewer.  
  
NeptuneHelena: Ya probably didn't get the author alert on chapter 6 cuz FF.net was have server probs that day and I was damned luck to even post the chap, so I'm betting it didn't recognize the update. At least, that's what I think happened. Anyways. You have good timing. Your review came to me on a day I wasn't feeling so hot, so it made me feel better.  
  
~*~*~*~*~ Chapter 7:  
  
This comment was the last straw. Wu Fei was very tired of watching these two clowns dance around each other in a strange evasion. It was painfully obvious to all in attendance how the two felt about each other. And despite his inner feelings for Duo, he was willing to step aside and let Heero have him. But he had just heard Duo pour his heart and soul into Heero's arms. and now Heero was leaving? Just like that?! "Yuy, don't you fucking dare!" Wu Fei fought the urge to scream and settled for grabbing Heero by the collar of his jacket. "Yuy did you hear a fucking word Duo said? He needs you now more than he ever fucking has!" He ground out between clenched teeth.  
  
"He can't forgive me. and I don't deserve to be forgiven." Heero whispered.  
  
"Yuy your are a sadistic, cold hearted, son of a bitch. Don't you know? Every person that man up there has ever loved has left him. And now. You are doing the same damn thing! Now unless you want to leave this house in a body bag you will be leaving with that man in your arms. Understood? Because I will not sit idly by while you torture him with his past!" Heero's face turned a strange shade of white then. Once again he was hurting Duo. and he hadn't even realized it!  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Yuy's face turned a ghastly shade of white as he realized that I was correct in my statement of his blatantly hurting Duo. But what could I do? There was no ways under Nataku's grace I was to stand by and watch while Yuy tore out the heart of the man I care about, toss it on the floor, and stomp on it.  
  
Suddenly something flashed behind his eyes before they hardened as he turned and walked out the door¸ despite my warnings. "That bastard" I growled, before I turned and went up the stairs to comfort my American comrade.  
  
As I neared the door I could hear the American's quiet sobs come muffled through the door. I knocked politely before entering so as to let him know I was coming in, he hates being caught off guard during these moments of weakness. I slowly walked over to the side of the bed and sat down. He was lying on his stomach, his arms tucked beneath the pillow into which he was weeping uncontrollably. I gently placed my hand on his shoulder to reassure him that I was there for him. The violet-eyed angel sat up and looked at me, his tear-stained face enough to break my heart, then vaulted forward into my arms, wrapping his own around my waist and abandoned his pillow for my black tank top. A position very similar to the one we shared on the night after I caught him off guard.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
"You've been hiding your feelings from us.. Covering everything up with that jester's mask of yours. And don't you dare even try to deny it.." He warned, his voice taking on a feral tone. " I saw your little 'ritual'."  
  
Duo's eyes went wide with horror. "Y-you. saw?" His voice quivered a little as he tried to imagine the look on Wu Fei's face the previous night. Wu Fei just nodded. "What you've been doing is an injustice not only to us, your fellow pilots and comrades at arms, but to yourself."  
  
Duo just stood there looking shell-shocked momentarily. "You won't tell anyone, will you?" He finally ventured, his voice sounding small. Wu Fei sighed, noting the sudden change in Duo's demeanor. "On one condition."  
  
"And what's that?" The American asked, his voice still sounding small and weak.  
  
"That you'll promise to be more open with me at least and you'll explain what that 'ritual' was all about."  
  
"Okay." Duo gulped and nodded slowly, before taking a deep breath.  
  
"First off... we may wanna sit down 'Fei... It's not a pretty story to tell, or hear." The violet-eyed youth said, meaning to stall long enough to figure out where to start. Gods he so did not wanna be telling this to anyone...  
  
"Alright." The raven-haired youth agreed, noting the other boy's apprehension.  
  
After they had gone and grabbed some tea from the kitchen they settled onto the couch in the living room.  
  
Duo sat staring uncomfortably at the warm liquid in his mug for a few moments before Wu Fei spoke up. "Maxwell?"  
  
Duo looked up at his companion and smiled sadly, before letting the gesture fade away and turn his attention to the mug in his hands. "Before I say anything, you should know that I..." He paused.  
  
"What?" the Chinese youth prodded gently.  
  
"I'm not like the rest of you guys... I've never known true family." The usually exuberant youth said quietly.  
  
The Shenlong pilot turned onyx eyes on the person in front of him in confusion. " I don't understand, what are you getting at?" He asked, truly perplexed. The longhaired youth before him had never been one to dance around any topic.  
  
"I grew up on the streets, 'Fei. I'm nothing more than a filthy street rat." The boy answered, not looking up. "The closest thing to a family I ever had was the Gang and the Father and Sister Helen."  
  
The Asian youth remained silent, waiting for the other boy to continue.  
  
"To be honest. It's because of them my name is what it is."  
  
"Oh?" The Chinese boy asked, intrigued.  
  
"I was on the streets fending for myself for as long as I can remember. By the time I had turned seven I had snuck aboard an Alliance Military ship and had ended up in the L2 area. On colony V08744. It was there that I met Solo and the rest of our gang. We were like brothers. We always helped out with everything and took care of each other. Solo, especially. We were like his children. However, shortly after I joined the group a plague swept through the colony. Everyone in the gang got sick, except for me. The hospital had the cure but they were run by the federation who would only give to the people with money, which automatically ruled us out. So instead I ended up sneaking into the hospital and stealing it. I got as much as I could carry and took it back to gang. I gave it to everybody I could, but I didn't get enough. It was too late to go back for more. Solo died that night because of me." A single tear slid down the youth's pale alabaster cheek. " With Solo's death I became Duo, because he once told me he'd always be with me. After that I became something of our gang's leader. I became the new 'Big brother' so to speak. Taking care of the others was my responsibility. And things were pretty good considering our style of life. Our raids were usually successful; we often had enough food to feed everyone once a day. Until the night I decided we'd raid the alliance base. That didn't turn out so well... In fact the soldiers had us cornered pretty quick. Then one soldier told us that some church had decided to take us orphans in. Life at the Maxwell Church was okay. We had adequate clothes and food. We had places to sleep and they even sent us to school. All the others eventually even go adopted. But I kept getting sent back to Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. I think it was I was too wild, too used to street life, although I was only seven. Also, I had already given up believing in God. And if there was a god... It was the God of Death. The Father and Sister Helen liked me, so it was okay that I kept ending up back there. They were sort of my parents for a short while. Until the night that the rebels took up position in the church to retreat, regroup, and reorganize a plan of attack, saying they only needed one Mobile Suit. The Father told them that they shouldn't be fighting', which they didn't really appreciate so one of them hit him in the side of the head with the butt of his rifle. When Sister Helen begged them to stop the accused her and the Father of being alliance spies. I couldn't stand it. So in exchange I told them I'd get them their damned suit if they left the church and then I left, determined to keep my word. When I came back the church was in ruins. The alliance had attacked and destroyed the church. I found Sister Helen amongst the rubble; she was in her last moments of life. The Father was already dead. With her last breath Sister Helen wished me her uncaring God's blessing and safety. Perhaps if I hadn't stolen the mobile suit, if I had stayed at the church I could've warned them and they could've escaped."  
  
Wu Fei nodded in slow understanding, getting a feel of the guilt that was bottled within the beautiful boy in sitting next to him. In that moment, Duo took a slow deliberate breath to keep him from breaking out, crying.  
  
" After that I ended up living on the streets again for a while, it wasn't that hard because I was only living at the church for about a year, not even. I met up with Professor G. when I was twelve or thirteen. I had stowed away on his ship and had been living off the food supplies there, of course I eventually got caught by a couple of goons who took me straight to him, kicking and screaming. Literally. After that I ended up with the sweepers, working under G while my gundam was being built, and I'm sure you know the rest." He concluded his story... still staring down into the mug of the now cooling liquid in his hands.  
  
"I see..." The Chinese boy said after a moment letting the story sink in. " However, that does not explain what I saw last night." He finished, still wanting an answer for his question.  
  
"I know. I'm getting to that." Replied the flaxen haired youth placing the mug of now cooled liquid in the coffee table in front of them. " It's just that. I've never told anybody this before."  
  
Duo looked nervous. It was logical considering Wu Fei had yelled at him not long before. Wu Fei decided he had better make the first move if he was going to do anything about Duo's 'ritual.' "So Duo... why do you perform this ritual?" He asked eagerly. He could still remember clearly what it had looked like. Duo had taken a small switchblade, red in color he recalled. It had a broken handle and didn't retract anymore. He had carefully rolled up the left sleeve of his shirt and placed a bowl beneath his arm. He had then ran the knife carefully along his forearm whispering, 'I'm sorry I'll do better. I'm sorry I've sinned. I'm sorry they died. I'll win next time.' Repeatedly. He had allowed the cut to bleed it self closed. It had shocked Wu Fei he had punished himself this way.  
  
"That was." He began and stopped again.  
  
"That was what?" The dark eyed you prodded.  
  
"That was my way of remembering... of asking forgiveness." Violet-blue eyes narrowed as they tried to fight back tears. "I'm the only one left to remember them all 'Fei. It's just so overwhelming to know that I'm the only person left to carry their memories, to say they existed. And, it's my fault..." Tears started to slide down the pale ivory skin as the elfin boy stopped fighting them, not caring anymore whether his comrade saw.  
  
Wu Fei gently placed a hand on the shoulder of the boy beside him, concern and understanding shining in his Onyx coloured eyes. Suddenly, the long haired boy turned and vaulted forward, wrapping his arms around the Chinese boy's waist as his shoulders started to shake as he began sobbing, burying his face in the Asian youth's black tank top. " It's all my fault 'Fei. It's my bloody fault..."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
That's it for now readers. Hope ya'll know that I appreciate the reviews I get, and flames are used to heat my house cuz my furnace is broken. Also, if you guys feel like sending me any drawings or art for my story, I would LOVE you for the rest of eternity, cuz I can't draw anymore. I lost my mojo. Anyhow. Gotta scram. R&R folk! 


	8. Chapter 8

To the reviewers:  
  
NeptuneHelena: Your reviews always make me feel better. And well.. I'm in a mean mood so..somebody must suffer.. regretfully.. I specialize in Duo torture.. so it had to be him. Also.. I'm shocked that I had Justice boy do that cuz, I quite frankly hate him.  
  
Lady Snowblossom: Good ideas.. You are the only person to send in some.. For that I give you the grand prize of a buck fifty in nickels, and this is the result of your helpfulness..  
  
Mysticheero: Glad I can be of service. Hope you can get around to your stories soon.  
  
Lady SallyRose: Okay. Here's more.  
  
Weissangel24: I know you like my story.. and I agree on both accounts.. Poor Duo.. Baka Heero.  
  
Wolfgirl333: Sad? Shit yeah! I've been depressed and pissed at the world as of late, so this is the resulting release of my frustrations.  
  
JaDe Une: Thanks for the encouragement. It made me feel better and I did get out a new pic..  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 8:  
  
The violet-eyed angel sat up and looked at me, his tear-stained face more than enough to break my heart, then vaulted forward into my arms, wrapping his own around my waist as he abandoned his pillow for my black tank-top.  
  
~*~  
  
Instinctively I wrapped my arms around the lithe form's shaking shoulders, offering both comfort and strength to the hurt boy.  
  
" Why does he hate me 'Fei?" He choked out between sobs. It was the most gut-wrenching thing to hear from the normally exuberant teen. " Why did he lie to me?"  
  
"Oh Duo..." I began to respond as he continued to weep into my shirt. "Yuy doesn't hate you. He's just being an arrogant, stuck-up bastard. You shouldn't let him get to you."  
  
" You sure?" He asked as he looked up, hope shining in his beautiful Amethystine eyes. It was the most heart-breaking thing a being could ever witness. His resilience is simply astounding.  
  
"Of course. Now how about you and I go get some hot chocolate?"  
  
He smiled slightly, and nodded as he extricated himself from around my waist.  
  
Once we were seated comfortably on the sofa in the living room of the small safe house with our warm drinks he turned to me. "I'm sorry 'Fei."  
  
"For what?" I questioned, after all what reason would he have to be apologizing? If anybody should be apologizing to anybody, it should be that lowly scum Yuy apologizing to the single most amazing person I have ever had the fortune of meeting.  
  
"For being such a pain in the ass." He answered, guilt and sorrow tainting his usually cheerful voice.  
  
"Nonsense." I rebutted. You are nothing like that. Yuy, on the other hand, is though." I finished.  
  
"Thanks 'Fei." He replied, with a slightly more positive tone.  
  
"For what?" I repeated my earlier question.  
  
"For bein' there for me and understanding." He explained.  
  
"You'd do the same for me, I'm sure." I responded.  
  
This simple line seemed to ease some of the pain in his eyes as he cuddled into my arms again. He nodded slowly and thoughtfully. "Yea. I would swim the English Channel for any of you guys. But Heero... it scares me to think what I would do for him... I'm so afraid... Shinigami cannot love 'Fei."  
  
This line troubled me slightly. Maxwell had always referred to himself as the Shinigami during the war, however he seldom did anymore. He would have to be hurting quite badly to call himself the god of death again. "It's alright Duo. Get some rest now."  
  
Duo. I had called him Duo. It sounded so different coming from my mouth and yet... had slipped out so easily. My using his first name put him slightly more at ease and he cuddled against me to rest. Well hell. I would call him Santa Claus if it would put his worries out of his mind, if only for a little while.  
  
After the boy was fast asleep I eased him off me and called Trowa to come and be with Duo when he woke up. I was not going to make Yuy's mistake and leave him all alone.  
  
When Trowa arrived I offered no explanation, simply walking out the door and leaving the braided pilot to him. I was pissed as all holy hell and ready to rip a strip off Yuy's hide, then serve it to Duo for lunch.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Apologies for shortness but all of us here at Forlorn Angel Inc. are creatively challenged and our sleep-addled brains aren't functioning right. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:  
  
I found my quarry in a park a couple hours afterwards; I had calmed down substantially and was willing to talk it out with him. As I drew closer I noted that he didn't look even look the least bit remorseful, that got my blood boiling again. He had broken the heart of an angel, and he was not the tiniest bit regretful! "Yuy..." I growled as I stalked up to the bench he was sitting on.  
  
"Chang." He replied coolly, not even glancing in my direction.  
  
"How dare you..." I started through clenched teeth. "How dare you hurt Duo the way you have!? It was both cowardly and dishonourable! You have broken his spirit in a way no other has, and I, for one, will not stand for it! He trusted you! He put all his faith in you, and you turned away!"  
  
"I had no other choice." He replied, looking up at the night sky above us, a wistful tone in his voice.  
  
That caught my attention. "What do you mean, Yuy?"  
  


* * *

  
Duo was sleeping when I arrived. He appeared as though he had been crying. I vaguely wondered what could have happened, then I saw Wu Fei. He looked like he was about ready to rip somebody apart. Wordlessly he brushed past me and left, his katana at his waist. I didn't question, as I did not want to become the object upon which his wrath was taken.  
  
I turned upon his exit and looked at Duo. He didn't look too good. His face was paler than usual, and tear streaked. I walked over to his curled up from and ran my hand across his forehead hissing in irritation as I realized he had a fever. This wasn't good. He had just gotten over a severe fever recently. I reached across and dialled Quatre's number. "Quatre?" I asked when I heard someone pick up. "Yea?" Quatre asked curiously. " It's Duo. He is sick again." Quatre seemed to hiss in irritation as well before muttering that he would be right over.  
  
A couple hours later I opened the door as Quatre arrived. He looked almost as bad as Duo did. As though he hadn't been sleeping well and worrying over the well being of our comrade was not helping. "You look terrible." I commented as he hung his jacket on the back of a chair in the kitchen. "Yeah... I haven't been able to sleep that well since Duo disappeared." He responded with a tired sigh as he walked over to where Duo was sleeping on the couch. "He's feeling a lot of pain, not physically but emotionally..." He stated, looking down at our sleeping companion.  
  


* * *

  
"Yuy, answer me." I fairly growled. His stubbornness was finally wearing on my nerves. What in the deities names could he mean by he' had no other choice'? He sighed, closing his eyes. It was almost as if he couldn't find the words to vocalize his reasoning behind his leaving the safe house.  
  


* * *

  
A/N: Sorry for the cliffie but my crew and myself are running out of ideas! We need some serious help here. If you would like to assist me in this or my quest for global domination, please tell me... Pretty please?  
  
Now then  
  


* * *

  
To my adoring public... Yes. I do have an ego  
  


* * *

  
Wolfgirl333: Same. Depressed me = tortured Duo. Angry me = Tortured somebody... most likely Duo. It all depends on my mood... Anyways... Life's been good to me as of recent so... this chap took forever... No motivation and well... Grade 12 French, Social Studies, and Science homework. I'm surprised I'm still alive being buried under mountains of homework.  
  
Silverlie: Thanks! That makes 2 favorite lists! And no it's not a dumb question. It's actually very logical. Shinigami is more or less the Japanese God of Death. Now the deal with Duo referring to himself as such is that as a child he grew up on the streets living with a gang of war orphans led by a street kid named Solo. When Duo was around the age of seven, and not yet known as Duo, Solo died of a plague that swept through the colonies.. Later Duo ended up living at the Maxwell Church for a year, (this can be found in the manga, Episode Zero) after which the nun and priest of the church died as well. These People, the nun, Sister Helen, the priest, Father Maxwell, and Solo were all like family to Duo. And being of only the tender age of eight at this point he had concluded that he was a bringer of death to those he cared about, and when he became a Gundam pilot he also became the harbinger of death to hundreds possibly thousands of soldiers, and so he took up the name Shinigami, or God of Death. Whoa... That's a long explanation. ^.^'' eh-heh... But nonetheless an explanation. Hope it helps some  
  


* * *

  
Mysticheero: Yeah it is kind of long. What was I thinking? I'm glad you love the chapter. And I agree it is short. Actually I was kind of disappointed with it's shortness but hey.. Couldn't just hand you guys the big confrontation, now could I? Anyways.. Like I said to wolfgirl333... I've had a lack of inspiring events in my life but the chapter is here now. The Duo – Fei relationship was originally the spawn of my beta but soon became just as much my own as I was sort of basing the situation off of my resulting feelings of my breaking up with my now ex-boyfriend. Basically I felt hurt and betrayed, and I've always had good friends who are there for me as well as an amazing Drama teacher who is the most caring person I have ever met and he's just been such an influence on my life that I decided to base Wu Fei's attitude kind of on him while maintaining the original character given to him by the original creators of GW. And as for the money thing... I don't have money either. Mom took my bankcard to keep me from spending.  
  
Weissangel24: Actually I have seen the wuffle refer to Duo by his first name in several well-written fics, it is not as uncommon as one may think, but given, it is still rare. A good site for such fics, (though I'm not on it..) is A-Chan's site at www.atsui.org . The Santa Claus idea was the spawn of my beta, and the idea of Fei kicking Yuy's ass came from Lady Snowblossom.  
  
NeptuneHelena: Repressed anger? Now why would I have repressed anger? ^.^''  
  
Raven's Light: Many thanks for reviewing EVERY chapter and adding me to your favorites list and author alert as well as becoming my acting Beta on this chapter. Also... Many thanks for the Plushie! It's soo adorable  
  


* * *

  
AnimeOnna : To remain perfectly honest and maintain my oath to never tell another lie, *I* wasn't a fan of 5X2 until now. This is all the work of the devil-spawn that is my now co-author Panther's Tear. I had originally intended to cut Wu Fei out after chapter 4. Now I am hoping that Hee-chan and Duo-kun get back together too, but I don't know if that will happen. Seriously. I don't. 


	10. Chapter 10 : Walking on Broken Glass

A/N: Sorry for the extreme lateness, but hey.. Ya want somethin' good, ya gotta wait fer it, ne? Don't kill me! hides  
  
To the reviewers:  
  
Raven's Light: Many thanks for the suggestions and ideas. They proved to be most helpful.*glomps and huggles* Where would I be without you??  
  
Wolfgirl333: Yeah, that's my life now. A new science project, unit, and test every week. Not counting homework and in class worksheets. Then there's French and Social studies. @. @  
  
Bishie Lovers 'R' Us: Yup. Not the way I'd intended them to be... But yep. And the Duo – 'Fei getting together thing? We'll see. Even I don't know how the story's gonna turn out..  
  
Weissangel24: I know how you feel.. I wish it was longer too, and even I'm wondering what the fuck is going through Yuy's head. Oh, and no problem about the responding to reviewers thing. I feel it is my right and responsibility to do so.. After all... If it weren't for you guys... I wouldn't still be writing. ^.^  
  
Mysticheero: I didn't mean to tease! Honestly I didn't! Also my mother had my bankcard cuz I've a spending problem too... But I have it now, though I suppose I'll give it back to her. Don't worry, I shan't discontinue yet.. And I prefer the Heero - Duo pairing myself..  
  
Sarano: Glad to hear that you relocated my story. And no. My story is not great.. I'd rate it as a mediocre to a good.. But it's not great. Next, Duo and Heero... We'll hafta see on that.. It all depends on what ever the muse I don't have offers me by way of inspiration and my traitorous beta. She likes to mess around with my story.. But then again.. If she didn't, it wouldn't have progress the way it did.  
  
NeputneHelena: Idiot? You? Only if you say so... Repressed anger? Nope. I'm a perfectly healthy individual in all meanings of the word. So what did I do to Duo again? Seriously. It might have been my evil beta Panther's Tear, but yes. Angst and torture good. Fluff and sugary sap bad... Very, very bad... ^.^''  
  
AnimeOnna: (I love that name...) Don't worry. I want them to get back together. The only thing that is standing in my way of achieving that is the muse, and my beta. But I am a formidable force and I shall achieve my goal. I hope.  
  
Now on to the next chappy.  
  
Warning: Switches between pov's but I'm sure by now you all can guess who's talking when. If not, how the heck you get this far?  
  
Song is 'Walking on Broken Glass' by Mest. Many thanks go to Raven's Light for suggesting this song.  
  
Chapter 10:  
  
/ Time goes by, I just try /  
  
/ To hold my head up high /  
  
/ People try to deny /  
  
/ Classify, or just hide /  
  
/ The feelings, what's inside /  
  
/ Broken hearts, and hard times /  
  
/ Don't let life break you down this time /  
  
/ I'm sitting here, crying here /  
  
/ You're alone and dying there /  
  
/ Waiting for bad news /  
  
/ Like walking on broken glass /  
  
When I woke up on the couch 'Fei was gone. Tro and Quatre were in the kitchen though. Probably 'cuz 'Fei called one or both of them. It made me momentarily glad to know that at least someone cared about me enough to not leave me alone. I vaguely wondered for a brief second why I was in the living room. However I soon remembered why I was there. I had fallen asleep in Wu Fei's arms... crying. Crying because Heero, the one person in the world I dared to care about beyond simple friendship, the only person I decided to trust completely after losing so many others in the past, hated me. Yea, I know 'Fei said that Yuy doesn't hate me, that he's jus' bein' a jerk. But, Wu Fei didn't see what I had. He didn't see the disgust and contempt in Heero's eyes as he got up and left the room, forsaking my trust and leaving me completely shattered and utterly alone. I wondered why he could loathe me so for a minute before it dawned on me. It was almost glaringly obvious. I was weak. I loved him, and I cried. The two biggest signs of weakness as far as Heero Yuy is concerned. And Solo had always said boys don't cry. Damn if I wasn't pathetic and didn't deserve his scorn.  
  
And worse, now I was wasting Quatre and Trowa's time with my dumb problems. I know they are both very busy people, why the hell am I such a nuisance? Wu Fei probably left to go yell at Heero too. Damn Wu Fei he's done nothing wrong this is my fault! I'm the weak little cretin that made Heero hate me. I better find him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
/ No answers for what was asked /  
  
/ You're all alone /  
  
/ Cuz you know I'd give up my life for you /  
  
/ Time can be nothing but our enemy /  
  
/ Don't give up just hold on /  
  
/ Is the pain too strong /  
  
/ To hold on /  
  
/ Sometimes we're wrong when we think we're right /  
  
/ Tonight will be the night /  
  
/ You'll break free from this fight /  
  
/ Don't let life break you down this time /  
  
/ I'm sitting here, crying here /  
  
/ You're alone and dying there /  
  
/ Wait for bad news /  
  
/ Like walking on broken glass /  
  
When I came back into the room Duo was swiftly making his way towards the door. "Duo! Where are you going?" I asked. Trowa heard and came in. Duo turned to face me and his face looked so sad it nearly tore my heart in two. "I'm going to do what I should have a long time ago." I think my jaw hit the floor. I mean Heero had left Duo and hurt him. Everything Heero had done and Duo wanted to apologize to him? "What?" was the only word that popped into my head. And consequentially, out of my mouth  
  
Trowa thought much better than I did. His first instinct was to restrain Duo, prevent him from leaving. "I have to say sorry for driving him away. If I hadn't been so weak.." Duo trailed off as Trowa held him fast. "Duo you're not weak..." I began only to be cut off by him.  
  
"Yes I am! I loved him! I cried! Two sure signs of weakness!" I didn't know what to say to that one at the moment so I simply wrapped him in a comforting hug. Then I thought of something. A question. "Duo? Do you think I'm weak?" The question in place of a command seemed to startle him. "Huh? Nah Quat... of course not." "Well how then can you see yourself as weak? I love Trowa. I cry. If those don't make me weak how can they make you?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
/ No answers for what was asked /  
  
/ You're all alone /  
  
/ Cuz you know that I'd give my life for you /  
  
/ Time can be nothing but our enemy /  
  
/ I die inside from all I feel /  
  
/ Does it have to be this way? /  
  
/ Memories of yesterday /  
  
/ When it all just slips away /  
  
/ I give up everything I had to keep you one more day /  
  
/ I know that it's not right /  
  
/ Why do we feel this way? /  
  
/ Why do I feel this way /  
  
/ I'm sitting here, crying here /  
  
/ You're alone and dying there /  
  
/ Waiting for bad news /  
  
/ Like walking on broken glass /  
  
It surprised me when Quatre asked if I thought he was weak. I'll admit that much. To me it seemed almost as if he started thinking on a different tangent. Well, whatever it was, it caught me off guard. However, Quatre didn't understand. My upbringing didn't allow for emotions like his did. Living on the streets of L2 it was survival of the fittest, a hand to mouth survival. Emotions, especially love, were signs of weakness. And were useless as the person you loved could die at any given moment, particularly when you least expected it. I learned that the hard way. First there was Solo, my best friend. He was like a big brother to me; I knew I could trust him to always be there for me. That was until the plague got him. I stole the cure from an alliance hospital, but it was too late. That night 2 little boys died, Solo, and the street rat they called Purple Eyes. Also on that night, I was reborn, as Duo.  
  
Shortly afterwards, after a bad raid on an alliance base, my gang and I were taken in by the Maxwell Church. It was there that I met Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. To me, they were like the parents I had never had. They loved and cared for me. Also they taught me that I didn't need to steal to get what I needed. They also showed me that violence, though most effective, isn't always the right answer. The year I spent with them was the happiest year of my life, but it too ended in tragedy. The Maxwell Church Massacre. The Alliance military attacked and destroyed the church as a rebel group had taken up residence there to care for the wounded and plan a strategy of attack. 245 people died that night. I only survived as I had left to steal a mobile suit from the alliance for the rebels so they would leave. The church was nothing more than rubble when I returned. It was then that I became Duo Maxwell, the Shinigami.  
  
Now Quatre is one of the strongest guys I know. But, back then; emotions also made a person a target. A victim preyed upon by all the sick and twisted individuals of the world. And that is something I do not want to have to live through ever again. Back then, you had to learn to hide your emotions and fast. And if you could just bury and forget them, the better off you were. But I would never tell him this. He's too good for it. He doesn't need the problems a pathetic ex-street rat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
/ No answers for what was asked /  
  
/ You're all alone /  
  
/ Cuz you know that I'd give my life for you /  
  
/ Time can be nothing but our enemy /  
  
"Yuy, answer me." He growled rather upset. I think my persistence in my correctness in the decision to leave was getting on his nerves. I sighed and closed my eyes. I knew what I wanted to tell him... But I couldn't. The words wouldn't come. Also, I am not used to being so open in my feelings. Which only made the task more difficult. But I finally settled on what I would say... Now the only problem was... How would he react?  
  
I lowered my head, opening my eyes to stare at the ground at my feet, preferring it to the scowl that was sure to be on Wu Fei's face. "I..." I couldn't do it. I couldn't tell him. I know I left in fear of hurting Duo again. But how to explain it to Wu Fei? I just could not do it. So instead I came up with a new strategy. I resorted to a weapon that had never failed me before. I became the perfect soldier one more time. I stood up, and looked at Wu Fei dead on. "I'm leaving. I left the safe house because I had to. I had to because I do not need someone like him tagging along and slowing me down. I am Relena's chief of security and personal bodyguard. I am a very busy person and do not have any more time to waste with that whining, simpering, braided baka. Now if you'll excuse me." I said rather coolly before turning around and starting my trek back to where I had left my vehicle. //I'm sorry Duo...// 


	11. Chapter 11

First off: Responses.  
  
Raven's Light: Sounds like me over Easter break.. Only thing is.. I didn't go anywhere.. My family was all working 'cept my sis, and she's younger than I am. And don't worry I be needing help, you'll know. Well then. Voyez- vous plus tard. Oh! And considering I'm female.. You should have put 'Adieu, mon amie' Kay?  
  
MysticHeero: ^.~ That's the secret to keeping reader interest. Keep'em guessing. ^.^ That and I learned a long time ago I hate predictability. Now then.. Your analysis... Though correct in that he was going to say something else.. He did not choose not to say it because it was weak.. ^.~ Enjoy.  
  
Duo's lil neko: I made you cry? My crew and I are that powerful? Man are we not givin' ourselves enough credit..  
  
Weissangel24: Agreed. Heero is a jerk. And I was amazed at the length to..  
  
Wolfgirl333: I know! School really undermines my efforts to keep this story updated on a regular basis. And French! Ugh! It's the worst.. So confusing.. Especially since my interest has changed to go more towards the Asian languages now.. And I know.. I made him a jerk.  
  
Other notes: This fic has been accepted for archival at gwdensetsu.net and the first chapter should be posted sometime after April 30th. That is all.  
  
Warnings: POV changes again. But then again.. that's what the entire story is comprised of, isn't it?  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chapter 11:  
  
I listened to his cold words. I knew he was lying. Could see it in his eyes, hear it in his tone. It still angered me to hear him say such hurtful things about such a wonderful beautiful being. To allow him to simply walk away would be a complete injustice. He began to stalk towards his car. I pulled out my katana and pointed it at him. "YUY!" I bellowed. "Stop what you are doing!" When he turned around I could see that familiar coldness that he had used during the war and knew he had become the perfect soldier once again.  
  
"What do you want now Chang?" He asked in that monotonous voice. I had certainly not missed that these past years. "I want you to stop denying your feelings because you will only hurt him more by saying you never cared in the first place. Don't you understand? All the feelings he has ever expressed have ended in tragedy. I swear if you make this end that way as well I will kill you Yuy. I will find out where you live and I will kill you. It would be the only just action."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Nah Q, you aren't weak." Quatre smiled and hugged me. Trowa still did not release his hold on me. "I'm glad to hear you think that. In that case, then neither are you." It was hard to argue with Quatre. He was completely convinced that he was correct. I sighed. Better to not argue. "If you say so Quatre."  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
"...It would be the only just action." I warned. He, however did not seem to care.  
  
"Oh? I doubt that." He replied coolly. "If my departure hurts him as much as you claim it does, then how would my death affect him? Certainly it would kill him."  
  
I froze. He was right. And I could not allow such a thing to happen. Not to that bright spirit. The world would become empty without him. Existence meaningless. He knew he had me, for he once again turned around and continued to walk towards his vehicle. I had to think fast.  
  
"Yuy! Wait!" I called desperately. He stopped, but didn't turn to face me this time. "Maxwell's showing signs of relapsing into illness..." It was my last available option.. I only hoped his guilt would force him to stay with the dark death angel we all know as Duo.  
  
~*~*~*~*~ A/N: Sorry or the shortness, but hey.. Can't be giving ya all the good stuff at once.. Now then. I'm in the last 15 minutes of my spare and I have work to do. Bai! 


	12. Chapter 11: Part B

Hey folks.. You'll hafta thank my wonderful Beta, Panther's Tear, for this as she wrote this in my place as she was also unhappy with the shortness and I've been sick and swamped with schoolwork.  
  
Chapter 11: Part B  
  
"Yuy! Wait!" I called desperately. He stopped, but didn't turn to face me this time. "Maxwell's showing signs of relapsing into illness..." It was my last available option.. I only hoped his guilt would force him to stay with the dark death angel we all know as Duo.  
  
"Sick... again." His voice became thick as if he was holding off tears. But that could not be the case. The perfect soldier has never cried in his life. Least of all in front of a teammate. I walked forwards and put a supporting hand on his shoulder. "Yes... he needs you Yuy... otherwise he may not make it... He loves you." His head hung in a gesture of defeat and he turned and looked at me with all the pain and remorse glittering like little crystals in his eyes.  
  
I looked back with what I hoped was a look of support. Somehow all the anger I had felt towards the infernal man had dissolved into what could almost be defined as pity. "Come Yuy... please? He needs you... he doesn't love me or Barton or Winner. He loves you and you are the only one who can pull him through."  
  
Yuy sighed shrugging his shoulders in the gesture. "Alright... until he gets better." I felt relieved. It was a small and temporary victory but a victory nonetheless. I felt sure that Duo would be able to find it in his heart to forgive Yuy given enough time... even though I did not feel Yuy deserved forgiveness.  
  
I slowly began to lead Yuy back to where the beautiful angel was. I hoped I was doing the right thing and not just bringing disaster back to our little angel of death. Only time would tell. But I made a solemn promise to myself. If Yuy hurt Duo again... I would kill him. There would be no mercy.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I smiled a little. No reason to let Duo know that I knew he didn't believe me about his not being weak. No reason to try and make him fear me. For if I was to tell the others about my so-called 'gifts' I do not think they would react any different then my sisters and father did. They would shun me. They would be afraid. They would and why shouldn't they?  
  
"Trowa... let him go." I demanded. It wasn't fair to hold him like a wild animal after all. He was my big brother. The former pilot released him and so did I. I stood and gauged his reaction. He was frightened, ashamed, and ill. He felt he did not belong. I remembered that feeling well. Putting a comforting hand on his shoulder I whispered in his ear. "You do belong Duo... you belong with Heero." It was a risky move and got the expected reaction. He looked shocked at first. Then increasingly frightened. I knew it. No way could I tell anyone else. Their reactions would be ten times worse I'm sure. I smiled reassuringly and whispered again. "It's written plain as day across your face." He seemed to calm a little and I took him to the couch and sat him down.  
  
"Trowa? Would you mind getting some cocoa for us?" I asked to send him on a tedious useless mission so he would feel needed. I do that sometimes because Trowa likes to feel needed. Even if I don't really need him I let him think I do. It helps him. I sat on the couch with Duo while Trowa moved off to the kitchen to complete my request. I focused intensely on the part of his mind that felt ill. I had felt this illness before... it could be quite dangerous.  
  
Luckily it didn't seem to have gotten very far as of yet there was still a good chance he would come out unscathed. The illness was mostly emotional. It would be so much easier to pull him through it with Heero... but as far as I knew it could be managed without him. It would simply be increasingly difficult.  
  
It was then that I heard the door open. There stood the one man that could help Duo beat this. His unruly dark hair blew in the slight breeze and his eyes lit up when he saw the braided youth on the couch. Duo leapt from his perch and ran to the teenage boy yelling "Heero!"  
  
As I watched Duo cuddle warmly into Heero's arms I smiled. I held no clemency however for I alone knew, the hardest part was yet to come. The part that would put the biggest strain yet on the relationship between Heero and Duo... was only a hairs breath away. 


	13. Chapter 12: Can You Feel The Love Tonigh...

A/N: Hey guys, I'm back and I'm better than Ever! Many apologies on my disappearing act. This is what happened. I spent May 15th & 16th at Otafest here in my hometown and I was inspired! But the feeling soon passed when I discovered some of my pictures didn't turn out. And then I was swamped with work and plans as it has been decided by many of my friends and myself that we wish to participate in next years Cosplay contest. As well as Final exams. However, school is now over. And I have returned.  
  
To my reviewers...  
  
Weissangel24: Again Apologies on shortness.  
  
Raven's Light: S'okay.. I suck at French too... Though my teach (Who thinks I'm an angel) would probably beg to differ.  
  
RikoRishodeathangeloflight: Don't feel guilty.. It's over, hopefully..  
  
MysticHeero: Well.. it wasn't soon.. but it's here..  
  
Wolgirl333: Here's more. Enjoy!  
  
AnimeOnna: Aww... I'm not that great...  
  
Keeper of Light: Gomen! I didn't mean to make you cry... I just happen to be really good at writing up that angsty stuff.  
  
In other news: I am finally posted! Take a look: www.gwdensetsu.net (Click on the pic of Heero's shoulder)  
  
Anyways... Here it is... Chapter 12!  
  
P.S. I think most people know this song.. But if ya don't, it's 'Can you feel the love tonight' by Sir Elton John.  
  
Chapter 12:

/There's a calm surrender/

/To the rush of day/

/When the heat of a rolling wave/

/Can't be turned away/  
  
I spotted Duo as soon as I opened the door... He looked... Sad, and a little feverish. Yet, he was stunningly beautiful. He leapt from where he was sitting on the couch as soon as he saw me. He ran over and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face against my chest in a desperate hug. I couldn't help but notice the faint trembling of his slight frame. I slowly brought my arms up to encircle him and rub his back soothingly.  
  
/An enchanted moment/

/And it sees me through/

/It's enough for this restless warrior/

/Just to be with you/  
  
"I'm here.. Daijôbu Duo... I'm right here" I whispered quietly into his soft honey brown hair and felt the trembling ease a little bit. We stood there for what seemed like a small eternity when I felt his body relax in my arms. When I looked down, I saw that he had fallen asleep. He must have been overwhelmed with emotions. Carefully I reached down and hooked an arm under his legs, keeping the other firmly around his shoulders and picked him up. I carried him over to the couch where I laid him down gently and allowed my gaze to linger for a moment. He looked so young and innocent in his slumber. Nothing at all like the angel of death we knew him as.  
  
/And can you feel the love tonight/

/It is where we are/

/It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer/

/That we got this far/

* * *

Wu Fei entered shortly after Heero. Quickly I summoned him and my Arabian prince from where I stood in the archway between the den and the kitchen where I had been a moment before. I figured it would be best to give the former wing pilot and Duo some time alone.  
  
We gathered around one of the counter tops [2] to discuss our next plan of action. It was obvious that Heero's very presence had an effect on our braided companion.

* * *

/And can you feel the love tonight/ 

/How it's laid to rest/

/It's enough to make kings and vagabonds/

/Believe the very best/  
  
Watching Duo sleep gave me a sense of peace, something I had never felt before. I was amazed, and a little frightened by it. I was the perfect soldier. I wasn't supposed to have feelings. But if this was true, why did I feel a sense of yearning whenever I see Quatre and Trowa together? Or jealousy when Duo would hug Wu Fei? Did I.... Love him? No.. That just wasn't possible.. But why did I always feel peaceful, even happy, content whenever I was with the braided youth?  
  
/There's a time for everyone/

/If they only learned/

/That the twisting kaleidoscope/

/Moves us all in turn/  
  
I couldn't understand it.. I was the perfect soldier. A killer without emotions. But if that was true, why was I falling in love with my companion.. I was so confused. And that, above all else, frightened me the most. There is very little in this world that my computing mind cannot handle but unfortunately emotions have always been a foreign concept to me. I have been trained since my birth to be the ultimate fighting machine. Odin told me that. Dr. J confirmed it. All I have ever been capable of doing is completing missions. So I'll make this a mission. I cannot allow harm to come to pilot zero two at any cost.  
  
/There's a rhyme and reason/

/To the wild outdoors/

/When the heart of this star-crossed voyager/

/Beats in time with yours/

* * *

"We can't let Heero hurt Duo again... but we can't exactly tell Heero to go away when Duo so obviously needs him... I just don't know what to do." My desert prince grieved coming very close to sobbing into my chest. I suspect there hasn't been a lot in his life that he didn't understand and he was very, very lost. Smoothing his bangs out of his face I nodded my agreement and gave Wu Fei a questioning glance. "So what can we do?" I asked trying to mask the worry in my voice. I was sure that if we lost Duo my sweet angel Quatre would not be far behind.  
  
Wu Fei simply shrugged. It seemed he was as lost as anyone. Which meant as far as we go as a team.. We had no ideas. We needed to think of something and fast. There was only one person who understood Heero better than we did. Unfortunately none of us could truly stand that person. But we would have to for Duo's sake. So I suggested we call -her-.

* * *

/And can you feel the love tonight/ 

/It is where we are/

/It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer/

/That we got this far/  
  
I awoke on the couch once again and vaguely wondered if Heero coming back had only been a dream. But all doubts of it being real were soon put out of my mind as Heero gently tucked a strand of hair that had come loose from my customary braid behind my ear and whispered, "Morning..."  
  
/And can you feel the love tonight/

/How it's laid to rest/

/It's enough to make kings and vagabonds/

/Believe the very best/  
  
That simple gesture and soft greeting was enough to cause my heart to leap into my throat as I sat up and looked at him. He slowly sat down beside me and gently wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a warm embrace. Confused, I looked up at him, the unspoken question in my eyes. All he said was, "Hush," and hugged me a little closer. So I laid my head on his chest and let the steady rhythm of his heart beat lull me back to sleep.  
  
/It's enough to make kings and vagabonds/

/Believe the very best/

* * *

A/n: Any guesses on who -she- is?


	14. Chapter 13

A/N: First of all.. Thanks to all you guys who submitted your guesses.. We all find out who -she- is today! Secondly. This chapter was inspired by the somewhat unpredictable weather of my hometown. And Thirdly.. I'd like to wish a happy belated independence day to all the Americans out there and thank you all for the wonderful fireworks you give me on my B-day every year!  
  
Next, I'd like to bid welcome to my new reviewers Duo-23 and aint-got-a- name.  
  
For the rest of you:  
  
Raven'sLight: Thanks. Hopefully now that I'm done school there won't be anymore delays like that.  
  
Weissangel24: Yes.. I know... Disappointing style but it's good because it leaves ya wanting more, no? And. No.. Even I can't stand Hilde.  
  
AnimeOnna: Okay. I pick you... Now care to share with the rest of the class her identity?  
  
RikoRishodeathangeloflight( Love that name too..): I know what you mean.. I can't stand Blondie(No offence to Q, his fans, or Relena fans) either but oh well.. too late to change it now huh? And I'm glad I'm back too.. And I shouldn't be disappearing again for a while.  
  
MysticHeero: Aw.. Thanks! I'll try to update more regularly from now on. And is this soon enough for your liking?

P.S. I am cruel.Chapter 13:  
  
A loud clap of thunder woke Duo a couple of hours later. The storm that had brewed outside was unexpected and with its ferocity, someone would have to be crazy to be caught out in it. Another loud peal of thunder cause Duo to curl into a ball, his eyes clenched shut and his hand over his ears as he whimpered. Soothingly I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and realized he was trembling.... I never knew he was afraid of thunder..  
  
Softly, I stroked his hair and tried to calm him as he continued to whimper, curling tighter at each clap of thunder. Quietly I whispered gentle reassurances to him as he grabbed hold of my shirt and clung to it as if holding on for dear life. I had never realized how much thunderstorms had bothered him. As far as I knew, he loved the rain. So why would this bother him?

* * *

I woke up immediately when I heard a large clap of thunder. I've always liked the rain.. But I've never quite like thunder and lightning... it reminds me of my childhood. Life on the streets isn't easy. Especially when everybody wants something from you and would do anything to get it. But that's not why I dislike thunder. It was after then.. While staying at the Maxwell Church I was put into several foster homes.. Most of which were okay I guess. But, there was this one house.. I'll never forget it.. Sure, the people there were nice enough.. Well, most of them anyway..  
  
It was my foster father. He would always stay out late.. Drinking and gambling with his buddies.. He would always come back really late.. Well, one night he came back late, later than usual.. It had begun to rain and I was getting worried.. When he came back, he was drunk and flaming pissed.. And I just happened to be there... When his gaze landed on me, a dark grin fell across his lips. Slowly he sauntered over. "Hey," he said as I looked up at him. Every nerve in my entire body screamed at me to run, but I couldn't. I stood there, frozen. Before I had realized anything I was sprawled across the floor and I could taste the coppery tang of blood in my mouth.  
  
Bewildered I slowly began to sit up and looked at him confused. He sneered down at me and kicked me in the ribs, causing me to fall again. "It's all your fault!" He bellowed, kicking me again. I didn't understand, what was my fault? I hadn't done anything. He let me stand before lightning lit up his face and he backhanded my face, sending me reeling.  
  
The abuse continued for about an hour before he finally grabbed my braid and lifted my up to be eye level with him and spat in my face. Then he dropped me and walked away, leaving me broken and bleeding on the floor...  
  
Since then I haven't been able to handle thunderstorms. Of course.. None of the other guys know that.. I don't think they'd understand.

* * *

Why Duo was afraid of thunderstorms I didn't know. But the one person I didn't expect to understand something so complex that even the perfect soldier couldn't get it was the very same person that rang our doorbell. I slowly rose and answered the door. Her golden blonde hair was tied messily back in a ponytail. She obviously had not planned to be at our door.  
  
Her crystal blue eyes sparkled with the usual joy that came from seeing me. She was my own personal stalker and beautiful though she was, she could not compare to my duo. During the war I will admit I had a slight crush on her but I would not allow it to interfere with my mission. Then I met Duo. I felt such strong feelings for him it was... magical. So what was Relena Peacecraft doing here? I was thrown for a damn loop when Quatre came out and helped her inside.  
  
After a long and lengthy talk and many death glares thrown at Quatre Wu Fei and Trowa I realized she was here to help. So I explained to her of Duo's newfound fear of thunderstorms. To my surprise she actually seemed to understand. "He was probably hurt by someone close, someone he trusted when he was younger..." She explained. I could not believe I had not thought of that before. I knew that he had grown up on the streets. It made sense, however she chose then to continue her statement. "It might even be possible that person raped him." At that moment, all time for me seemed to cease.  
  
Raped him... why hadn't I seen it?... The signs were all there clear as daylight... I had researched the subject... but it had still evaded me. Many human emotions evade me. I have been trained to understand the most advanced technology there is to date but the human emotion still evades me. However it does not evade Relena. How is it that someone who barely knows Duo at all was still able to see something in him that I could not?  
  
It was as I was pondering this that Duo stirred in the next room. I walked quietly over to the couch leaving the others to talk more and sat on the couch letting him curl into my arms. I listened to the quiet chirping of birds outside as I tried to sort out my own thoughts and feelings. Duo put his chin on my shoulder and let me make slow deliberate circles on his back with my hand to comfort him. I whispered a few comforting words that I remembered from somewhere that I couldn't quite place. It was then that I realized Duo was seeking attention and comfort the same way that you might expect from a young child who had been hurt. He never sought attention like a child unless he was very hurt or extremely frightened... and my suspicion was option b. 


	15. Chapter 14

A/N: Hey guys... Uhh.... Didja miss me? Many apologies on leaving ya'll with another of my infamous disappearances but I was busy pulling off what I think might be a world record on time spent searching for and attaining a job.. 6 hours. Since then I have been working my sorry hiney off earning money. But I have briefly returned. Now then..

To the reviewers:

Silencebeforebetrayal: Glad ya like it. .

Duo-23: Well... You see.. Duo had no choice really.. He was only a kid and hoping to find a place to call home.. But I'm not nice enough to grant him that.

RikoRishodeathangeloflight: Well... I'm no fan of Relena's either... But this chap doesn't involve her.. So that doesn't matter. And we'll see how the story goes as to whom she wishes to kill.. Maybe she wants to kill Heero. You know.. that whole.. 'I can't have him, no-one can' thing..

Weissangel24: Now if I updated when ya wanted me to, it just wouldn't be right.. I gotta let the muse take its time.. Especially since songs inspire most of my chapter. But since I don't listen to music very often... And don't worry... There is a fitting ending planned for this little affair with Relena

pUnKRoCk's Sk8ter chic: Heero knew all along.. he just didn't want to accept them and was feeling a little doubtful about whether Duo would reciprocate his feelings and if he deserved Duo's affections.. Gotta remember.. This guy was brought up believing emotions were weak and that he was meant only to kill people.. Being a Gundam Pilot with Duo and the others kinda taught him the value of life so now he realizes all the killing he did was wrong and doubts his own worth.. Also, let us not forget his famous line from Episode Zero "Life comes cheap. Especially mine." And the spelling errors... I know... I'm just being lazy in fixing them..

AnimeOnna: I said I was cruel, didn't I? And yes, you are smart for figuring it out.. gives you a cookie Glad ya liked it and many apologies for what I did to Duo last chapter. Unfortunately.. This chapter isn't any better..

Raven'sLight: Aren't you proud of me? I didn't ask for help this time. And yes.. Relena bashing is a good thing..

Onto the fic!!

Chapter 14:

I sat in the den with Heero for what must have been at least half an hour before I fell back into a light sleep. I jolted awake a couple hours later alone on the couch. The storm had rekindled memories that I wished would stay dormant. Trembling I curled tightly around myself hugging my knees to my chest. What did I do that was so wrong to deserve such a horrible childhood? Another image of my foster father and the sadistic grin he wore on his face that night flashed through my mind and I curled a little tighter, letting out a quiet whimper.

Heero must've heard me because not 30 seconds later he came into the room and sat beside me, allowing me to curl into his arms and draw from him the comfort and strength I so desperately needed. Gently he rubbed my back in small circular motions with his hand in an attempt to help me relax. That act led me to think that maybe he cared for me more than I had originally thought. Maybe we could be friends at least. With that thought in mind I smiled a little and began to forget about what had led to me being curled up in Heero's arms.

It didn't come back to me until later that night, but it came back with a vengeance. I had allowed myself to fall asleep in Heero's arms that night. I wish I hadn't. I wasn't going to tell him about my nightmares. But after I had one in his arms... I had to. It started...

_"What the--?" I muttered as I looked around. For as far as I could see I was surrounded by pitch black. Absolute nothingness. I was completely alone. I felt so empty... Reluctantly I stepped forward hoping that I would somehow find my way out of this dark fog._

_After walking for what seemed like hours I finally collapsed to my knees, weary. As I sat, catching my breath a figure slowly appeared through the gloomy shadows and approached me. I looked up to see who the mysterious person might be but what I saw surprised me. "...H-Heero?"_

_His face was hidden by the unruly fall of his chocolate brown locks but I could still see his eyes, blue as the ocean in the first moments following sunset. Slowly I stood to be eye level with him. "What are you doing here?" I asked. A small smile crossed his lips as he brought his hand up to gently cup my cheek. Instinctively I leaned into the simple caress feeling some small measure of comfort. Suddenly he pulled his hand away and hit me, sending me sprawling to the ground. _

_Confused I gently brought my hand up to where he had slapped my face. Looking up at him I saw that the smile that he had been wearing had turned into a cruel smirk as he walked the short distance of a few steps between us and kicked me in the ribs, hard, sending me flying a few feet away from him and landing with a resounding thud. _

_Slowly I started to get up, my breathing slightly laboured. "H-Heero? Wha-what are you doing?" His response was cold and filled with disgust. "You're nothing more than a lowlife street urchin. You don't deserve to be anywhere near me."_

"_Heero?" I asked, suddenly scared. Slowly his raised his gun and aimed it at me. "Heero? What are you doing with that? What's going on?" I asked frantically. "Omae o korosu, Duo." Was all he said as he pulled the trigger. I felt the burning sensation as the bullet lodged itself in my shoulder, causing me to fall again._

_A few seconds later I saw Heero's mustard yellow sneakers appear in front of me and I looked up at him, holding my injured shoulder. "Why?" I asked, wanting to understand why he was trying to kill me. "Because, you don't deserve to live." He replied then aimed the gun at my forehead and fired. _

That's when I woke up. Heero was holding me tight, looking scared as I felt panicked and was trying desperately to break free of his grasp. Tears were streaming down my face as I struggled and fought. Heero was saying something, trying to calm me down, but whatever it was fell on deaf ears. I eventually broke free and ran from the room. I soon found my way to Wufei's room and collapsed into his arms sobbing. Soothingly he rubbed my back and whispered soft reassurances to me as I cried.

* * *

Maxwell entered my room at an alarming hour. It was painstakingly obvious he had been having a nightmare. Now the only question was what was this one about. Maxwell has nightmares that could make your blood run cold. I suppose it doesn't help matters that he has an extremely vivid imagination and a tragic childhood. I suppose none of us can say we really had a perfect childhood. Many would argue that Winner was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and had a wonderful life with everything he could want or need. But indeed sometimes having everything can be as bad as having nothing. Gazing down at the weeping figure in my arms I nearly wept myself. My heart went out to him. This was someone who had been through the worst of the worst and still managed a ten-point landing. 

So if he was so perfect, and strong, and gallant, and arrogant, and brave, how did he end up crying in my arms? Sometimes one of the strongest things you can do is reach out for help. But it bothered me that he had not gone to Yuy for help. I mean I've put everything I have into keeping those two together but nothing seems to work. Perhaps Maxwell would be better off without him. He might even be better off with me... I dropped that thought to utter soft reassurances to the weeping, fallen angel.

* * *

Looking up at Wufei's caring and knowing face I started to wonder... why was it that I always went crying to him when Heero hurt me? Was it just because we were good friends? Or was there something... more? 


	16. Chapter 15

A/N: Wow... Less than a month.. must be a record for me.. Though I shall admit that I had lots of help from my beta and best friend Panther's Tear on this one. gives PT a round of Applause I also thanke her for all the credit and support she gives me every chapter in her fic Insidious Dreams. (I am Sam, I am.) So I would like to dedicate this chapter to her and all of her hard work. Another bit of good news is I am going to go back and update my previous chapters to accomodate my new pov separation system.

Next thing, review response time:

Raven's Light: Well two chapters where I haven't bugged you... Must be a miracle, ne?

duo23: Ahh, yes.. My poor warped mind has inflicted such a cruel twist upon our dearest Duo.

sYnergY's Duality: I have updated yet again. And yes.. He could be....

RikoRishodeathangeloflight: Yup. Seems that way. I am so mean... And yes.. That's always been my tactic of choice, and Relena is evil. But I shall hopefully smite her with the powers that be.

Weissangel24: Everyone seems to think that.. Am I truly so mean that everyone pities him?

AnimeOnna: Okiday. I won't tell you. Actually They might not.. I have yet to decide..

With that done.. On to the fic!

Chapter 15:

When Duo fled from me after his nightmare I became worried. What had he dreamt about that frightened him so? Fear writhing in the pit of my stomach, I rose and started to follow him when I felt Trowa place his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him and he just gently shook his head as if to say, 'leave him be for now.' I nodded slowly and turned my gaze back in the direction in which my beautiful death angel had disappeared and let out a small sigh. "Oh Duo..." 

--- 

No.. I thought. Wu's like a brother to me. I can't love him. I love Heero.... Then why am I here and not with him? I was confused, so I decided to stop thinking about it for the moment and just accept the comfort that I needed and Wu was offering. I laid my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes letting the sound of his voice wash over and calm me.

"Feeling better, Maxwell?" He asked me about half an hour later. I nodded and opened my eyes looking at him. "Yeah... Thanks 'Fei." I smiled at him. "Of course," he smiled back. It was a small smile, but a smile nonetheless, and Chang Wu Fei rarely smiles. "Now tell me what had you so upset?" He asked, his face taking on a calm yet worried expression.

I looked around his room nervously for a moment before nodding. "I..." I started uneasily. "I had a bad dream." I admitted looking down at his shirt, now held loosely in my hands. "About what?" He asked, gently encouraging me to continue.

"Heero..." I answered. 

--- 

I grinned to myself as I listened to that street urchin talk to Wu Fei Chang. Anybody who knew Duo Maxwell would tell you that despite his cheerful and friendly exterior he is an insecure individual who needs love and stability in his life. 

And listening to his conversation with the former pilot of Gundam 05 one could easily see that the Chinese man has feelings for the street rat and that he had feelings for the Chinese man in return. This may be to my advantage..I thought.

That's when I heard the parasite say that he had dreamt about Heero killing him. I smirked. Hmm.. If I can convince him and Wu Fei that Heero IS going to kill the worthless brat Wu Fei and the others will confront Heero while the useless waif turns tail and runs.. By the time that they realize that he's run and find him.. It'll be too late..

Still grinning to myself I left the door to Wu Fei's room and returned to my chamber to get some rest. 

---

He had dreamt of his one true love killing him.. it had to be shocking and considering Maxwell's past... it would have been absolutely crushing. No wonder he had come to me weeping like that. Now the only thing I had left to wonder about was what had Yuy done to make Maxwell have such a horrendous dream? If he had threatened or struck our angel of death... so help me I would kill him.

---

I watched Relena carefully as she tried to explain her opinion about all this. "So you see... Duo would just plain be better off without Heero." I damn near leaped across the table right then and there to strangle her. If it wasn't for Trowa's reassuring hand on my shoulder I would have. "Bullshit. You just want Heero for yourself you selfish hag." She was filled with surprise when I said that. I guess she wasn't expecting such a reaction from me. But I would be damned before I would let her tear my big brother away from the person he loved. "Quatre!" came Trowa's voice and I flinched at the sharpness of it.

"I'm going home." I stated. "Stay the fuck away from Duo."

I couldn't sleep after that. I was terrified that while I slept she would do something. It wasn't right! Why was she so obsessed with tearing those two up anyways?! I was angry. No... I was beyond angry. As Duo would say... I was flaming pissed. I stood. Trowa hadn't come home yet. Which had to mean he was still with Relena right? She wouldn't try anything under his watchful eye. I hoped. I crossed the room to grab my raincoat. I was going to go calm down, then I was going to see my big brother. He needed me.

The rain was coming down in sheets. I could barely see for it. I wouldn't be able to drive in this weather, which means I'd have to walk. While walking the frighteningly quiet streets I thought about everywhere I had been. And a little about where I was going. I thought about the eve wars and everyone we had killed. Cities were decimated, lives were destroyed, and all because I said 'yes I'll be a gundam pilot'. Where was I going? Honestly I really didn't know. I was lost and alone in the dark. But unlike when Duo had a problem... no one noticed mine.

I returned hours later and crept up the stairs to the room in which Duo was currently staying. I heard him whispering quietly to Wu Fei behind a closed door. Putting my ear to the door I listened. "I... I had a bad dream."

"About what?"

"Heero..." I gasped. Heero... I turned and went to the room where Heero and Trowa were quietly talking. In soaking clothes and my bangs hanging heavily I exclaimed "YOU!!" And stalked towards the figure of my rage.


	17. Chapter 16

Hey Guys: Just wanna let you all know that I really appreciate your support in my effort to create a fic worth reading. Unfortunately due to circumstances beyond my control I am now forced to put this story on an indefinite Hiatus. I promise I am not abandoning the story without finishing it. But at the moment there are too many things happening in my life that prevent me from keeping a regular update schedule, and until I sort these things out I will not be updating. I apologize to all of those who have been faithful readers to my story for any inconveniences or disappointment this may cause.

Chapter 16:

"Maxwell…" Wu Fei gently started, his voice calm and soothing, yet concerned. "Yuy hasn't hurt you has he?" He asked me, his onyx eyes promising the steely-blue eyed pilot pain if he had. "No..." was my quiet response. I felt like I was still lost in the dark place from my terrifying vision. "He hasn't... He hasn't hurt me." The truth was too many others had hurt me. And I was afraid of being hurt like that again.

Of course I couldn't tell 'Fei that. It was too hard. The last thing I wanted to do was remember the pain and suffering I had experienced as a child. And to tell Wu Fei... Anyone... Would mean remembering. However Wu Fei would never accept that.

"You said you dreamt about Yuy" He began logically, trying to sort out why the dream had upset me so. " What exactly happened in your dream?" Came the question I dreaded with every fibre in my being. It was a question I didn't want, and desperately sought not to answer. What would Wu Fei 'Justice' Chang do to the man I cared about, heart and soul; if I told him that in my subconscious vision Heero had killed me? Or rather brutally beat me as so many others had and then killed me? Every instinct I owned screamed at me not to tell him. Unfortunately, my heart rebelled and before I realized it I was telling him.

"Well..." I began hesitantly. " It started with me being trapped someplace that was completely dark. I couldn't see anything. It was so lonely and frightening." I shivered remembering that haunting place within my mind. " All I wanted to do was escape from there... Escape and hide from it." Run and hide, the two things I always did when something frightened or upset me. And that place had frightened me more than I would like to admit. It had reminded me of myself. My true self.

True I had a fair few friends, but none of them knew anything about the real me. None of them except Wu Fei. And maybe Quatre. That dark, foreboding place had reminded me of the child I had been. The child I still was inside. The lonely, starving orphan who had been forced to live on the streets. The frightened, trembling soul who had watched, mortified, as everyone he had ever come to know and care about died around him.

It had also reminded me of the teen. The adolescent who had been forced to become an adult before his time and fight in a war he didn't belong in. The youth who killed in the name of revenge against those who had hurt the child. The person many soldiers under Oz and the Alliance, as well as those involved with Gundam had come to know and fear as Shinigami. The God of death.

Trying not to slip back into that dark place as I remembered vividly what happened next in that sinister vision. I continued speaking, using the warmth of Wu Fei's body and the strange comfort I felt while being in his arms, to speak the nightmare. " But I couldn't escape… I could only run… The darkness wrapping its ice-cold arms around me. Suddenly.. Heero was standing in front of me..." I stopped then remembering how I felt my heart leap for joy as he softly caressed my cheek, a soft shadow of a smile flickering across his lips.

"Then what?" My comforter gently urged me to continue. I snuggled closer remembering how that calm fleeting expression had turned to a dark and sadistic smirk so swiftly. " Well..." I swallowed, not wanting to tell him but already committed. " In the beginning he was smiling. Not that smirk that he got when he was destroying mobile suits.. A soft, gentle, caring, genuine smile. And he gently reached out to touch my cheek. As if to reassure me. It felt like coming home.." And it had felt like coming home… after being away from it for so long.. Much like it had felt when I found myself living at the church with Father Maxwell and sister Helen, before it was destroyed.

"But?" Asked Wu Fei, sensing that there was more to it than I was letting on. I took a deep breath fighting back a fresh wave of tears. "The next thing I knew he had hauled back and hit me, sending me sprawling to the ground.. I sat up confused and looked at him… All he did was smirk as he walked the short distance between us and kicked me in the ribs.." I bit back a sob. "I..I asked him what he was doing and he... He..." I trailed off, not trusting my already quivering voice.

"He what?" The one person I told all my problems to calmly pressed, trying to get to the bottom of my emotional distress. "He... He told me that I was nothing more than... Than a lowlife street urchin. That I don't deserve to be anywhere near him... Then he... pulled out his gun and he..." I paused momentarily.. Still trying to come to terms with what had happened in my terrifying nightmare. "He tried to shoot me… I managed to move so instead of killing me it hit my shoulder.. Then he aimed his gun at my forehead..." I brushed a stray tear from my face. " I asked him why he was doing it.. All he said was that I don't deserve to live, and then he pulled the trigger… That's when I woke up." I sniffled trying hard not to cry, but failing.

-

Glossary of terms and references used to date:

Shinigami: 'God of Death.'

Shounen-Ai: Boy-boy love

Yaoi: Extremely glorified boy-boy love

Koibito: 'Lover'

Hai: 'Yes'

Ninmu ryoukai: Heero's famous line 'Mission Accepted' or 'Mission Acknowledged'

Omae o korosu: Heero's other famous line ' I will kill you' or 'I'll destroy you'

Nataku: In Chinese Mythology Nataku was a being created in the Kunlun Mountains , which took human form by combining human spiritual energy and blood. In may legends Nataku appears as a hermit or a warrior.

K'so: Shortened from kuso this is your basic curse word meaning 'shit' or 'damn'

Nani: 'What?'

Daijôbu: 'It's Alright' or 'It's okay'

Yu-Gi-Oh! Reference: After posting this chapter it was brought to my attention that Seto Kaiba and Heero Yuy were voiced by the same VA... I am not sure on that but I will find out for sure.

1 Enuka: I suppose not many people know this but I actually pulled this name directly from the English voice cast-list. Enuka Okuma is the person who played Lady Une


	18. Chapter 17

A/N: Hey guys! I'm BACK! Now here's the scoop.. We here and SFA inc. just got a new computer system so the old one is now hooked up in my bedroom.. Unfortunately, No internet there so updating is gonna be kinda fun.. I'll type the new chaps up there... Write them out, or put them on disc.. whichever I feel like, them put them on the new comp and upload them. So bear with me for a little while longer of hectic insanity.

Review Response time:

I-Heart-Manga: True that Duo may seem a bit weak to you, but one must keep in mind that I am something of a GW Guru and, he suffered a lot of pain and anguish throughout his lifetime.. First, his parents..He said so himself, he is a war orphan.. Then the person he first cared about as a best friend, possibly even a brother, Solo, who died of a deadly plague that swept through the L2 colonies.. Next in line in his story of tragedy comes the people he has always thought of as parents, Father Maxwell and Sister Helen. They were killed, along with 243 other people, when the alliance military attacked the Maxwell Church. Duo's always felt a particular sorrow over this event as he has always semi blamed himself because at the same time the church was being destroyed, he was out stealing a mobile suit and carrier from the alliance. At that point he was only about 8 years old and spent the next four or five years living on the streets where one can only imagine what could've happened to him. After meeting with Prof. G He was made to fight in a war that had literally taken everything away from him and kill not only those responsible but innocent people as well.. He hid his pain behind a mask of false cheerfulness because he didn't wish to accept it and he felt that the other pilots had enough problems of their own. But everyone has a breaking point... And given all the pain and sorrow he's suffered through he'd have to reach it at some point.. I just decided this was it. Yes.. I do have a time frame for the fic.. this is all taking place about 2-3 years after the Mariemaia Incident. And the Trowa thing? Well... Much ad I love the guy(which is lot) I felt that he wasn't really the right character for a major role in the story.. more like a the guy who wants to interfere as little as possible and more or less observe what will happen.. Much like the role he played in Ground Zero.

Weissangel24: Thanks for the info and confirming that Yu-Gi-Oh! reference for me.. I never guessed that Midorikawa Hikaru-sama played Seto.. I must go back and pay closer attention...

Rikothedeathangel: Your support is really appreciated. Thank ya so much.

And lastly Raven's Light: What would I do without you? You are such a great friend.

Now onto the fic!

Chapter 17:

"Heero..." I gasped. Heero... I turned and went to the room where Heero and Trowa were quietly talking. In soaking clothes and my bangs hanging heavily I exclaimed "YOU!" And stalked towards the figure of my rage.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

I sat there listening as Maxwell once again told me of the nightmare that had upset him so... After having heard the entire nightmare, in a rather vivid clarity, I could understand why he was so troubled. Unfortunately there was not much I could do for him save for offering him comfort and support, without knowing what had happened to bring on such a frightening dream. So I did everything I could do and sat there gently offering him my comfort and support.

Soon he drifted into a light slumber. After carefully tucking him into my bed, so as not to wake him, I went in search of Yuy. My search wasn't a very long one as shortly after departing my room I heard Winner's voice float down the hall as he shouted at the person I sought. I would've been content to let Winner yell at him, however Yuy had information I needed and I feared that the disturbance would awaken Maxwell. I followed the sound of his voice to the den.

"YOU!" Quatre yelled as he approached Barton and Yuy. " What did you do to him!"

Bewildered Yuy asked him, "What are you talking about, Quatre?" Winner looked slightly taken aback for a moment before shouting out, "Duo! He has been having nightmares Heero! Nightmares about you killing him! What did you do!"

"That is what I would like to know as well." I said, much calmer than Winner, as I entered the room. All three of my comrades looked up at me in surprise. I turned to the blonde Arab first, "Winner.. I think it would be best if you calmed down... Or in the very least stop yelling, for Maxwell's sake. He is asleep in my room. I do not wish for his rest to be disturbed."

Barton nodded his agreement and placed his hand on the young blonde's shoulder, gently leading him out of the room, leaving me alone to talk with Yuy.

" Now that we are alone, would you mind telling me what you did to Maxwell?" I asked.

"Nothing." Was his reply.

"Somehow I find that less than convincing, Yuy." I retorted. Now I would suggest you tell me the truth. What did you do to Maxwell?"

"Whether you believe me or not, Chang, the truth is I've done nothing to Duo..." He answered. " I'm just as worried as you are.." His tone softened as he glanced downwards.

"All I know is that Duo and I had fallen asleep together... When I woke up he was in the throes of a nightmare." He explained. "I tried to calm him but he fought me then ran... To you presumably." his gize didn't rise to meet mine as his words carried an air of jealousy. "I was going to come and make sure he was alright when Trowa stopped me in the hall."

"Hmm..." I sighed, pondering what Yuy had told me.

"I... I don't know what to do..." He confessed, sorrow filling his usually callous voice.

I sighed once more. " I don't know either Yuy. I don't know whether to believe you or to kill you for hurting Duo the way you have." I folded my arms across my chest. "But, until I figure it out I want you to stay away from him." With that I turned and walked out of the room. I decided that I would make sure my sweet death angel was still resting peacefully then I would go meditate for a while, to clear my mind of all differing thoughts. Unfortunately enough, things didn't go as planned. It would seem that they never do.


	19. Chapter 18: Half Pain

First off, yes I have returned to you all. This time I have acquired myself a new beta, Angels-Obsession, who is not afraid to yell at me to get my lazy ass working on Fall From Grace so updates should become more frequent. I highly suggest you go read some of her works in the Final Fantasy 8 section.

Next, review response time.

Angels-Obsession:

Chapter 10: Yes. Thank you for killing Heero even though I still need him alive. And sorry about him being infuriating, but he is.

Chapter 18: Yes Ma'am. And Thankies. You're not so bad yourself. Now YOU get to work!

HpDeVoTeE: Thanks. I will keep posting. And I already have then ending planned out. So just hold on, kay?

Random Reviewer: First things first. If you didn't put your name cuz you were worried I'd flame you back like I did Dark Cloud back in chapter whatever it was, don't worry. I accept your criticisms gracefully because they were well put. To be honest I suppose I could have made him a teensy bit weak, but hey.. this is an angst fic. And in response to his past making him stronger, it may be true, but only to a degree.. And we have to consider that he was only 15 during the series, which would put everything that happened to him back in his childhood. Children handle things much differently then adults and tend to be affected much worse by such events than an adult would.. Which is why I took the point of view of him being more traumatized and hurt by it than becoming stronger.

True he harboured a lot of anger and hatred from his past during the series and he used it to motivate him into fighting, but you can't be angry forever, so what happens once all that rage and contempt dissipates? You're left with regret and sorrow.. But I promise I will try to make him stronger in my next fic, okay? And I know.. my computer points these sentences out to me all the time but I have a hard time thinking of a way to fix because I don't get much sleep at night and then I don't get to work on writing until I get home from work so I'm practically a living zombie.. Though, if you have any suggestions I would greatly appreciate them.

Raven's Light: Well.. Here's the next chapter. Don't hurt me for the ending, kay? And I'm glad you feel special.

I-Heart-Manga: Yeah.. if I feel it necessary a long response shall be given. I you want I own Ground Zero as well as Episode Zero, Battlefield of Pacifists, Blind Target, Endless Waltz the Manga and DVD, and the series on DVD so if you want I could probably scan it onto my computer and email it to ya. And I know.. Trowa's a wallflower. But don't tell anyone!

Rikothedeathangel: I finally have everything sorted out. Thank you very much for your support. I hope you enjoy this long awaited chapter.

A/N/.../ - song lyrics. The song is Half Pain by the group Bana. These are the translated lyrics instead of the original Japanese ones so we all know what they mean.

Now then. Onto the fic!

Chapter 18: Half Pain

/ How far back should I have to go? Tell me. Everything is so painfully vivid. /

I sighed once as I watched Wu Fei exit the room where he and Quatre had accused me of hurting the one person I cared about most only moments before. I didn't understand. Though I suppose I couldn't blame them either. I had done a lot of terrible things in my short lifetime. Why shouldn't they be suspicious?

Sighing once more I looked out the window and decided that even though it hadn't stopped raining that I would go for a walk. I needed to be alone and think. Away from the others.

Grabbing my jacket I exited the safe house and turned down the sidewalk. The rain was cool and refreshing on my skin. Stopping to look up at the grey sky I was reminded of a poem I had heard once. It was written by a girl in the French class at one of the schools I had been operating from during the war. She had short, dark brown hair, the color of roasted chestnuts, and crystal blue eyes. She had kept to herself for the most part.

Closing my eyes I let the drops of water land on my face, as I recalled the words that she had spoken. La pluie. Sage, melancholie. Nettoyager, accepter, oublier. Tristement, paisiblement, divinement, éternellement. Mon dégagement.

Opening my eyes again I remembered the mission I had received that night.

I was to destroy a nearby missile base. It was supposed to be a quick and easy mission, but the information that the doctors had supplied me was inaccurate. There were more soldiers and mobile dolls than anticipated. The fighting was intense and quickly spread away from the base and towards the school. I soon found myself and my gundam surrounded by the pilot less suits and was reaching for the self-destruct button when an explosion rocked my gundam, sending it flying back, landing a short distance from the dorms.

Looking at the vid screen in front of me I could see students and teachers evacuating the building in a vain attempt to escape being caught in the cross fire of the battle. A bright light drew my attention back to the mobile dolls as one fired its beam cannon at me. I managed to dodge the beam fairly easily, but it hit the dorms with a powerful release of energy, decimating them.

Seconds after, the green glow of Duo's thermal scythe sliced the mobile suit in half as he joined the fray. We dispensed of the dolls as fast as we could, trying to protect what remained of the school, it's students, and its faculty, while driving the dolls back towards the base. The next morning, we were told that the death toll had been nearly 200 of the students attending, including that girl. She had had a bright future ahead of her. Duo took it hard, opting to stay in his room and refusing to speak with anyone. Including the grief counsellors that had been sent to help us remaining students cope with the tragedy.

Thinking back, Duo had also been in that class. After she had taken her seat after presenting her short piece he had told her that he felt the same way about the rain. Until now, I didn't know why.

/The truth is, we couldn't understand each other, so I left and didn't look back. /

When I awoke all I could remember was bearing my soul to Wu Fei once more, sobbing brokenly as I told him of my woes. Blinking, slightly disoriented, I noticed that I wasn't in my bed. Glancing about at my surroundings it slowly dawned on me that I was still in 'Fei's room. Sitting up I looked out the window, it was dark out, clearly nighttime, but the lightning that soon illuminated the window showed me that it was raining again. I shivered, placing my hands over my ears and clenching my eyes shut as a loud clap of thunder sounded a couple seconds later.

Silently climbing out of my friend's bed I padded over to the door. Opening it slowly, I poked my head out and looked down the dark hallway. Not seeing anyone, I slipped out the door and found my way to mine and Heero's room. Once there I curled up on the bed and let my mind wander, trying to block out the sounds of the storm raging overhead.

The first thing that entered my mind was the memory of what happened after the fight that had split Heero and me up two years ago. Sighing I drew my knees up to my chest and let the memory consume me.

Angrily I had stormed out of the house, tears tracking down my face as my cheek had already begun to bruise from when Heero had struck me. Grabbing my helmet and key I climbed on my motorcycle. As soon as the engine had roared to life I was speeding down the road trying to forget the pain that I was feeling.

The truth was I loved Heero. Unfortunately I was afraid of losing him as I had so many others, so I hid my feelings, settling for friendship instead. Thinking about that as the wind whipped my long braid around behind me, I began regretting ever having thought that Heero could be anything more than a cold, uncaring bastard. Almost as soon as that thought entered my mind I banished it. No. I couldn't think that way. I still cared for him, even if he didn't care for me.

Hours later I returned to our house under the cover of darkness. Making sure to be silent I snuck in only to realize that Heero wasn't present. Most likely Quatre had insisted on taking him out somewhere. I sighed; deciding that being silent wasn't necessary and made my way upstairs to Heero's and mine shared bedroom.

Grabbing a suitcase out of the closet I immediately started packing up my belongings, intent on leaving once again before Heero returned home. It didn't take very long as I had never owned very many things and was used to living out of a duffle bag from the wars. As soon as I had everything neatly and securely stored away in the luggage case I headed out the front door one last time, locking it behind me and leaving my key in the mailbox, where I was sure he would find it the next morning when he collected the mail.

After spending a few nights in a cheap motel under an alias I had secured myself a one-way ticket to the L3 colonies where I would begin my life anew. Little had I suspected then that 2 years later I would wind up where I was now, curled up on the bed Heero and I shared.

/Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being. I never carry out my promises. So long ago, I threw away my brightness, and like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

I continued to let my mind wander as I resumed my journey down the wet sidewalk, subconsciously memorizing landmarks. The rain falling from above had weighted down my usually unruly hair, causing it to fall in my face, obscuring bits of my vision. I sighed as I remembered how we had split up after the war had ended.

About an hour and a half after my fight with Duo I started to become worried by the fact that he still hadn't returned home. The image of the hurt look he gave rose up in my mind, unbidden, and magnified the feelings of guilt and anxiety that were writhing in the pit of my stomach like snakes. I sighed as I rose from my chair, no longer able to focus on my work, and made my way to the door, grabbing my jacket and keys. Taking one last look at the interior of our shard abode, I silently prayed I'd find the braided boy. I sighed once more before leaving to search for my missing companion, locking the door behind me.

Several hours later I returned home, feeling more anxious than when I had left, as I hadn't found my comrade. Slowly making my way towards the front door, tired from the trying to locate the violet-eyed youth, I hoped that he had had enough time to calm down and had returned home on his own. Slowly I placed my key in the lock on the doorknob and turned it, opening the door. Sighing I trudged in as I was met with silence, which meant Duo was still missing.

Suddenly I looked up, fully aware, as something about the place that the braided teen and I shared seemed off. "Duo?" I called out only to be me with silence. Tentatively I flicked on the light and took a step forward. "Duo?"

I began to explore the house, calling out my partner's name. "Duo, Are you here?" Again met with nothing I lowered my gaze. How foolish could I be to hope that he would come back so soon? I had really upset him this time. And then it dawned on me.

Raising my head I let my gaze sweep across the living room and I realized that all of Duo's belongings had disappeared. Worry growing once more in the pit of my stomach I searched the house once more, this time for any sign that Duo still lived here, but came up empty handed. Everything in the house that had ever belonged to Duo was gone. He had left me for good. Upset I called Trowa and told him that Duo was missing.

/It lies beside this cold heart, frozen. So completely mindless that it persists forever/

I decided that I would make sure my sweet death angel was still resting peacefully, then I would go meditate for a while, to clear my mind of all differing thoughts. Unfortunately enough, things didn't exactly go as planned. It would seem that they never do.

Quietly I walked down the hall towards my room. Upon reaching the door I opened it as quietly as possible and peered inside only to discover that Duo was not where I had left him... Growing worried I closed the door and began searching for him.

"Duo?" I called out softly, hoping for a reply of some sort, yet receiving none. I continued my quest until I located the once outspoken brunette sitting on the bed in the room that he and that wretch Yuy shared. Once again I vaguely wondered what that honor-less creature had done to win the affection of the beautiful being that sat on the bed, unaware of my presence.

Tentatively I knocked on the door and called out to him. "Duo?"

Duo looked up smiling slightly at me. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing in here?" I asked, coming into the room and closing the door behind me before walking over to him. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"No, just remembering." Duo scooted over making room for me to sit next to him. "Which isn't any better." He finished

"Remembering what?" I asked as I sat down in the space he had made for me. Concern filled my voice as I looked at his features, drinking in his undeniably ethereal beauty, which was tainted by an air of sadness. I would do anything to make him smile like he used to... but I was not the one he wanted to make him smile. A fact, which I fully acknowledged and was willing to accept. For his sake.

"I was just thinking about my dream, remembering how it felt... I felt like I was helpless, what if Heero really thinks those things about me? What if my dream comes true?" Duo's eyes filled with tears yet again, as he bit his lip. Seeking comfort he leaned against me.

Gently I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, in an attempt to provide him some reassurance. " It won't... I promise I won't let Yuy do anything to hurt you. If he does try, I will kill him." I swore to him as I breathed in his scent. He smelled of soft vanilla.

Duo sighed softly. He always felt safe in my arms, and was glad that someone was there for him. "Thank You." Duo buried his face against my neck closing his eyes.

We sat there quietly for a few moment before I softly asked him, "Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah." Duo answered staying where he was, not wanting to leave my comforting embrace.

"Good." I nodded, enjoying being able to hold Duo like this, and tightened my embrace on him marginally before looking down at him. "Come on. Let's get you some dinner, okay?

"Kay." Duo said looking up at me freezing when he realized that this move caused our lips to brush slightly. Without thinking he leaned forward slightly brushing our lips again.

Shocked I didn't immediately respond but soon my eyes drifted closed of their own accord as I pressed my lips against the longhaired man's, returning his gentle kiss.

Slowly, I took hold of his braid and unwrapped the elastic band that was tied around the bottom of it, unbinding his long chestnut tresses, allowing them to flow freely around his shoulders. While I gently trailed my tongue across his lips as if asking for permission to enter that soft, moist cavern.

Duo sighed letting my tongue caress the inside of his mouth. Moaning at the feel of his scalp receiving a gentle massage he placed his hands on either side of my face. Somewhere deep inside Duo loved this and I craved more, but we knew that what we were doing was wrong. He was supposed to be in love with Heero, right?

Carefully I pushed he smaller man down onto the bed, never breaking the kiss as my tongue explored his pallet, before meeting with his tongue to wrestle with it. Meanwhile my hands slowly slipped down to rest lightly on the American's hips as I rested on top of him, enjoying the taste of his mouth, like sweet sugar with just a hint of cinnamon.

Duo's hair fanned around his face like a halo. He arched his body towards the mine above his accepting the wet muscle sliding across his tongue tasting of Cummin and a hint of Terragon. Suddenly the front door slammed signaling someone has entered the house.

Unfortunately the sound of the banging door went ignored as I slid my hands under Duo's shirt, gently lifting it over his head, breaking the kiss only for a moment before our lips met once again passionately.

Duo unbuttoned my shirt, wanting to feel my heated flesh rub against his own. The brunette pulled the shirt off of my shoulders moaning into my mouth when our chests were pressed together hard nipples kissing each other eagerly.

Slowly I began to kiss my way down the American's pale, cream colored throat to his collar bone as I slid my hands down his chest to rest once more on his hips, lapping at the salty taste of his skin. Gently I grazed my teeth over the skin at the base of his neck, eliciting another moan from him.

Duo let his hand slid up my back arching into my powerful kisses moaning when his hard cock brushed the mine.

I felt a moan rumble up deep from within my throat the friction duo caused when he arched up, forcing our still clothed members to rub against each other as the bedroom door began to open revealing a rain-soaked Heero standing in the hallway.

Duo gasped and pulled away realizing what he had just done. Instantly he felt tears threaten to spill. "H-Heero I can explain."

/Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions, and searching for redemption, I.../

I stood there in the doorway, shocked. Before me lay Duo and Wu Fei on my bed, half naked, in the middle of what could only be described as a heated make out session. I could not believe what I was seeing.

Duo must have noticed my presence because he gasped and immediately pulled away from Wu Fei, looking to me saying in a desperate voice, " H-Heero I can explain." I felt a cold numbness sweep over me as all I said was, "Don't bother." Then I turned and walked away. At least now I understood the real reason why Wu Fei didn't want me near Duo.

/Fall into a light sleep, on a lonely night. I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow. The hiding away of your warm presence makes me fear the overflowing darkness./

I cried out scrambling away from Fei. I tried to run after Heero, but was stopped by a pair of strong arms. "Heero, please don't leave." I cried.

"Let him go..." Wu Fei said quietly as he held onto me, preventing me from running after the blue-eyed gundam pilot.

"I don't want to, Wu Fei why?" I asked collapsing in the Asian's arms. "Why did I let this happen?"

Wu Fei remained silent, as he continued to hold my trembling form in his arms, unable to think of anything to say that would comfort him. While I continued to cry, laying my head against Fei's neck, I closed my eyes suddenly not able to keep them open any longer.

The Asian man slowly rubbed my back in a circular motion hoping the feeling would calm me. Meanwhile he became lost in his own thoughts, thinking of how he had swore that he would back down and let the Japanese pilot have me. Suddenly the onyx-eyed man felt disgusted with himself, but he chose not to act upon the feeling, seeing as my crying in his arms required his attention.

Soon the comforting hand rubbing circles on my back and the warm chest and arms I was enveloped by lulled me to asleep.

xXxXxXxXx

As soon as the fragile looking man was asleep, Wu Fei laid him on the bed, placing the covers over top of him, and kissed him on the forehead before leaving the room. He would go find Yuy and explain to him what had happened. He had to make things right between the chestnut haired angel and Heero. And he would. For Duo's sake.

/Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being. I never carry out my promises. So long ago, I threw away my brightness, and like the light from the morning sun, it can never return./

_Duo woke up wrapped up in Wu Fei's warm arms and a blanket. Yawning the brunette snuggled closer to the man looking up into his face. He was startled to see that Fei was watching him. Again when he looked up it caused their faces to be inches apart. Without thought Duo leaned forward kissing the Asian tightening his embrace._

_Silently Wu Fei leaned down, meeting Duo's questing lips half way, his dark onyx eyes never leaving Duo's own violet orbs as their lips pressed against each other. Duo felt Wu Fei's tongue gently swipe at his lips, in askance, as Wu Fei slowly slid his hands down the American's back to rest at the hem of his black pants._

_Duo let his own hand travel up Wu Fei's chest questing to unbutton the shirt covering it. He managed to finish his task without letting their lips part for more then a second. Duo started to play around with the Asians nipples hardening them to small nubs that he would be sure to suck on later._

_Wu Fei ran his hands along the waist of Duo's pants until they rested on the longhaired youth's hips before hooking his thumbs underneath the edge of the fabric, sliding them down over Duo's silk boxers. Slowly he began to trail feather soft kisses along the young man's jaw and down his pale throat to stop at his collarbone. Once there the darker haired man began to suckle the flesh, causing a small moan to escape Duo's lips._

_The brunette arched forward slightly wrapping his arms around Fei's neck and rubbing their bodies together. Another moan slipped form Duo lips when the silk of his boxers caressed his aching member._

_Wu Fei pulled back a couple inches to look at Duo's face, a smirk pulling at the edges of his mouth before he returned to leaving a trail of kisses down the smaller mans chest, stopping once more when he encounter a dusky pink nipple. Slowly he kissed the sensitive nub of flesh, before gently taking it between his teeth and sucking on it.._

_Duo let out a drawn out moan running his fingers through Wu Fei's hair and massaging the Asian's scalp. The American's hips started to grind against Fei's successfully causing friction and hot pleasure to spread and burn in the men's stomachs._

_Wu Fei released the nub of flesh as he tilted his head back, his eyes sliding shuts as he moaned in pleasure. Carefully he slid his hands upwards to the waistband of Duo's boxers hooking them with his thumbs and pulled them down as he had the braided man's pants, effectively freeing Duo's member.._

_the smaller man sighed when the cool hair hit his heated member causing him to tingle with anticipation. Remembering Fei still had pants on Duo quickly started to discard of them not wanting to be the only one naked. When he got them unbuttoned he pulled them down along with the boxers. Fei's large cock flopped out arching toward the older man's navel. Duo licked his lips.._

_Wu Fei resumed trailing kisses along Duo's abdomen once more, stopping when he reached the younger man's swollen member, smirking as he took the piece of flesh in one hand and slowly lowered his lips to just cover it's tip. Still smirking the Asian man swiped his tongue along the opening at the end of duo's cock, tasting the salty precum that had begun to gather there._

_Duo's hands flew to the Asian's head, and he tried not to thrust into the hot mouth. Moaning Duo ran his hands down Fei's neck squeezing. "Oooh Wu Fei"_

_Wu Fei chuckled, the vibration only adding to the sensations assaulting the brunette's senses._

_Suddenly, Wu Fei's hand was gone and Duo's member was completely engulfed by the black-eyed man's mouth. Slowly, Wu Fei drew his head back, lightly sucking on Duo's member before releasing it, gently blowing across the top._

_The American shuddered moaning loudly feeling his legs quiver even though he was lying down._

_Slowly Wu Fei leaned up once more, kissing Duo on the lips as his hand wandered over to the nearby nightstand and opening the drawer grabbed a bottle of lubricant.. Keeping Duo distracted with his lips he lubed up two of his fingers and gently pressed then to duo's entrance._

_Duo willingly spread his legs moaning when the finger pressed against his hole massaging the puckered skin. Duo was having a hard time deciding which direction to thrust and settled for rotating his hips instead moaning he felt like he would come soon._

_Gently sliding his digits past the ring of muscle, Wu Fei began to wiggle them, slowly stretching duo's entrance._

_Duo bit his lip and thrust against the fingers revelling in the feeling of the digits moving inside of him._

_After a few minutes Wu Fei added a third digit, which was soon followed by a fourth._

_Arching Duo let out a loud moan, bordering scream. "I'm ready, Wu Fei please..."_

_Nodding once Wu Fei withdrew his fingers and placed the head on his cock to duo's entrance. "You're sure about this?" He asked, concern shining in his onyx eyes as he looked at Duo, locking gazes._

_Duo nodded. "Yes, please."_

_Nodding once more Wu Fei slowly began sliding his member inside Duo's entrance, never taking his eyes off the braided ma's face as he fully sheathed himself in that silky channel. Waiting for Duo to adjust to the size of his member the Asian remained still inside the tight heat of Duo as he leaned forward to kiss his new lover._

_Duo groaned into the kiss and slid his legs around Wu Fei's waist causing the Asian's member to slide deeper and strike his prostate. Duo arched up crying out as white spots danced before his eyes._

_Taking that as his cue, Wu Fei began to withdraw from the warm passage until only the head of him member remained sheathed, then he thrust himself forward once again striking that spot hidden deep inside the violet eyed youth's body._

_Said youth arched yet again fisting his hands in the sheet below him. "Wu Fei, oh Wu Fei." He sighed letting his head fall sideways against the mattress, and continued to thrust up accepting the whole of Fei's cock clenching around it._

_Wu Fei continued to withdraw then plunge his member back inside duo's passage, building up a steady rhythm, while unnoticed by him and Duo the bedroom door opened to reveal Heero. Suddenly a solitary gunshot rang out as Wu Fei climaxed deep within Duo's silken passage. Blood spattered across the nearby wall and duo's face._

_Slowly Wu Fei's body fell backwards, withdrawing from duo, and onto the floor to lay limply in a growing pool of blood._

_Duo laid there in shock once swollen member was now limp against his thigh as he stared at Wu Fei's dead and blooded body. The American choked tasting bits of blood and bone on his tongue. Trembling Duo's gaze rose to the attacker. Heero's face looked angry, but hurt was the main emotion swimming in his eyes. Tears started to fall down Duo's cheeks turning from crystal clear to pink as they cleaned the blood from his face._

_"How could you?" The Japanese man asked as he lowered his gun to his side, his entire body trembling slightly as he fought back tears. " You said you loved me..."_

_"I do Heero, I was confused...Wu Fei has just been someone for comfort. I love you, Heero. Please..." Duo pleaded with the man sitting up on his knees. He reached for the dark haired man in front of him only to be denied._

_Heero stepped back as Duo reached for him, shaking his head in disbelief. " That's a lie Duo... I though you never lied?" he replied coldly._

_" Tell me the truth Duo.." The messy haired man said quietly. " Do you love him more than me? Is that why you always run from me?"_

_"I wasn't lying! I love you, only you. I'll always love you Heero, please believe me." The American replied desperately moving to get off the bed only to trip over the blankets._

_Heero deftly caught the falling man in his arms, hugging him close for a moment, breathing in his soft vanilla scent before whispering in the braided man's ear. " I can't believe you.." With that he let go of the youth, taking another couple of steps back and away from the now desperate Duo. "I can't trust you anymore..."_

_Duo stared at Heero his vision blurry through the tears, "Heero, don't go please. I promise I wont cheat, you can trust me!" the brunette stepped forward, he longed for Heero to come back and hold him._

_"No, Duo, I can't." Heero said softly , lowering his head so that messy chocolate bangs hid his face from view._

_"Heero, please look at me." Duo whispered. "Please, don't leave..."_

_"I'm sorry Duo... It's for the best.." Heero replied, raising his gun to be level with Duo's head._

_Duo's eyes widened and he stumbled back. "N-no Heero, please." He pleaded sobbing hysterically by now._

_"I have two bullets left Duo... I'll be following shortly after... I promise.." Stated Heero calmly as he looked up at the man on question, a single tear tracking down his face._

"No.. No! Heero don't plea-" and then Duo awoke screaming just as dream Heero had pulled the trigger whispering one final apology.


End file.
